


The Garden Where Souls Connect

by sammi273



Category: Larry Stylinson - Fandom, bottom!Louis - Fandom
Genre: Bottom Louis, Depressed Harry, Ghost Louis, Ghost Sex, Innocent Louis, M/M, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt, Top Harry, not even kidding, worst smut ever
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-06-01
Updated: 2014-09-01
Packaged: 2018-02-03 01:34:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death, Underage
Chapters: 22
Words: 26,869
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1726340
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sammi273/pseuds/sammi273
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Harry Styles suffers from depression, and takes life for granted.</p>
<p>Louis is the one who makes him realize that there's more to life, that there is, in fact, a beauty to life.</p>
<p>There's only one problem, however, Louis is a ghost, and can't find a way to truly connect with Harry since Louis can't leave the garden, so one day Harry happens to walk into a garden. The very garden that Louis is bound to until he finds his purpose.</p>
<p>Harry helps Louis realize his meaning, and Louis helps Harry find his.</p>
<p>In that garden is where their souls are able to truly connect.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Introduction

December 5, Entry 1

My psychologist requested that I should keep a journal while I'm away.

He told me that I should write down any thoughts, or just anything that I want to in general. It is better than keeping it inside since I absolutely refuse to talk to my mum about anything.

However, at the moment, I really don't want to talk to my mum.

She thinks that if we moved away from Cheshire, then everything would be better for me, for the both of us. So, she decided, without asking me, to buy an older house here in Doncaster. Even if it is two hours away, it's still away from our old life, from the old memories.

I don't miss my psychologist in Cheshire, he didn't really understand me.

I don't have any friends to miss.

I do have the memories to miss, though, only the old ones.

I didn't want to move, because I didn't want to say good-bye to the memories. However, all that mum said that I can make new memories here in Doncaster.

That's not fair, and you can call me selfish, but I want my old memories still.

Mum thought that moving would help me with the depression, but it really hasn't so far. To be honest, a change in scenery doesn't really matter.

A change in scenery doesn't define whether I'm still depressed or not.

She has to face the facts, I'm depressed, and life is meaningless, so there's really no use with living, no matter where someone lives.

Every day I have to take stupid fluoxetine pills that do nothing to help me, they just make me feel sick.

Most people say that depression is a mental disorder, or a sickness of the mind.

That's where they are wrong, because if it is a sickness, then why can't a simple pill heal it?

Obviously, my pills don't work for shit, so why would it still be called a sickness?

Anyways, enough on that subject.

If I were to sum this house into two words, they would be 'it sucks'. It's old, and it doesn't have any heating at all, so I'm really freezing my ass off right now.

There are a few dead trees around the house, and in the backyard, there's a 'garden', or what my mum calls a garden. I don't know why she'd think that it's still called a garden -or anyone else now that I think of it. It's dead, and the ground there is so uninhabitable that nothing will grow there. Not even weeds.

Mum said that she was going to try and plant something there once it warms up.

I said that I didn't care.

Mum said that even though this is only a temporary house, we will be staying here for a couple of years, 'so we might as well make it home.' Those were her words exactly.

Although she may already be able to call this place home, I honestly can't, because this place could never be my home.


	2. Always Watching

"Harry, darling wake up, I need you to do me a favor while I'm at work," I heard my mum's gentle voice the next morning. Her hand was on my side shaking me slightly in attempts to wake me up.

"What do you want?" I managed to mumble, but of course my face was in my pillow, so my question came out muffled.

"What was that hon? You'll have to speak up or something so that I can actually understand you," my mum asked, traces of slight agitation in her words. "You should know that by now, Harold. If you don't get out of bed right now, then you'll need to go to school later today, after running my errands. And I don't care if you like it or not."

Groaning from frustration, I flopped onto my back so that she could hear me. Mum and I had made a deal that I would start school next week instead of immediately so that I could get to know the town better.

"Don't call me Harold, Mum." I sighed as I grudgingly got out of bed to pick out my clothes. I could feel my Mum's eyes staring eyes burn holes into the back of my head as I did.

"It'll grow onto you," she said quieter, more gently. "We won't be here for that long, it's only temporary, us living here." My temper flared at her mentioning our current... situation, making me remember what I didn't want to.

Without answering her, I began to walk towards the door.

"It's okay to miss him, you know. I miss him all the time," my mum said.

I acted as if I hadn't heard her, and grabbed my journal before walking into the bathroom without faltering, or missing a single step even though I could feel the growing pressure of tears building behind my eyelids, threatening to spill over.

"Remember to take your medicine!" I heard my mum call out as I slammed shut the bathroom door behind me, locking it quickly.

An angry tear rolled down my cheek, but I stubbornly wiped it away.

December 6, Entry 2

Definition of medicine: healing substances.

I hate it when my mum calls my pills medicine, because that's not what it is.

Medicine heals, and helps.

These stupid flouxetine pills don't do anything at all for me. They don't improve my mood. They don't bring back my memories. They don't take away the pain.

Mum also mentioned 'him' this morning.

I don't want to talk about him at all with anyone. My psychiatrist is lucky to wring out what little words of 'him' that I allow him to have.

Mum knows that I don't want to talk to 'him', yet she still tries to bring the subject up.

Talking about 'him' makes everything more real, makes me remember the bad memories, and the good memories come back all at once, and I get overwhelmed, and I don't know what to do, so I start crying.

But I hate crying, because it makes me feel weak.

I hate being weak, my mum already thinks that I'm weak enough after what happened with 'him', and the depression and all that.

Mum treats me like I'm weak too much, even though I'm really not.

***

A sigh escaped me as I neared the store, my breathe dissipating into the cold December air.

I quickly glanced over the list that my mum had given me, then mentally prepared myself before I walked into the store. It wasn't all that crowded, but there were still people, consisting mostly of adults and old people. My guess is that all the kids are at school, but then again I could be wrong.

An involuntary groan left my lips when I saw the first item on the list written in my mum's neat scrawl: 'tampons'.

Purposely, I walked slowly towards the medicine aisle, already knowing that; that was where I'd find what I needed from countless other store trips.

Quickly grabbing the colorful package of tampons before speed walking away from the dreaded aisle.

After I had gathered the rest of the few items in my arms, I then walked in the direction where I thought the cash registers were.

However, on my way over, I bumped into someone, or more like someone bumped into me, and made me drop anything that was in my arms. I wasn't able to help the frustrated sigh that I let escape me.

"Oops sorry about that mate, didn't see you there," I heard the person apologetically say, but I ignored them completely, kneeling on the dirty tiled floor to pick up what I had dropped.

I was aware of the person also kneeling to help me pick up the stuff as well, he held out the package of tampons, "I'm guessing that these aren't for you." A slight joking grin was apparent on his face, but I met it with a scowl.

Snatching away the package from the dark haired lad, I continued my original path to the cash register to pay for my items.

With a sigh I handed all of the money that my mum had given me for these errands to the cashier.

However, the cashier cleared his throat, "your short by five pounds, sir."

My heart skipped a beat, and my hands frantically went through my pockets, in search of a few extra pounds. There was no avail as I found both of my pockets empty, and the cashier's eyes darkened.

"If you can't pay, then you'll have to leave."

A familiar hand reached towards me, thrusting five pounds into the palm of my pale hand, it was the same bloke that made me drop my stuff.

Sighing in relief, I handed the five pounds to the cashier, then quickly walked out of the store, two bags in hand.

***

December 6, Continuation of Entry 2

Something very weird happened after I left the store.

It felt like someone was watching me.

Zayn, the bloke that made me drop the groceries, had apparently followed me out of the store. At first, I thought that he was going to demand me to pay me back, but instead, we talked about random stuff.

Well he did most of the talking, I just listened.

When we neared the house (I refuse to call it my house), his eyes widened in fear, and he backed away he said, 'mate, you live in the Tomlinson's house.'

Then I snorted, and said, 'what used to be their house.'

'No, their son died in there, and now he haunts the house.'

That had officially creeped me out, but at the time, I just laughed it off, and walked inside, thinking he was lying or something like that.

But once the door closed between us, and I was in bed again, it still felt as if someone's eyes were watching me.

That feeling did not leave, even in my slumber.


	3. Blue Eyes

There was a brown haired boy, and a blond hair boy, both with blue eyes. They looked close enough to be friends, so I assumed that they were. The blond haired boy disappeared once the brunette had whispered something into his ear. The boy still remaining walked over to me, standing closely to me. Even though I didn't know him, he was beautiful, both inside and outside, I could just sense it from how he carried himself. He looked younger than me, I'm guessing around sixteen. I could feel how cold he was, it radiated off of him in waves, but he didn't seem cold since not once did he shiver. Against my will, I reached out to touch him. When I did this, he only backed away, blue eyes suddenly sad. "No no, you can see not touch," an adorable giggle left his lips, though its humor didn't quite reach his blue eyes. "Who- who are you?" I stammered. Completely ignoring me, he began to hum a familiar, yet unknown tune to me. Immediately, words swam in my head, forming lyrics as he hummed. Suddenly I could feel the pressure of tears behind my eyes. It was almost as if I made up the lyrics myself as they popped into my head, but I knew that even I wasn't able to come up with something as beautiful as these lyrics. 'There's a road inside your heart made just for you. Don't be scared take your first step and then take two. Pain will come but I believe you can endure. Further down that road just trust a little more. Holding you, holding you, It's in you, River flows in you. Slow it down, slow it down. That river flows inside me too. Holding you, holding you, It's in you, River flows in you. Waiting now, waiting now Just be strong, You will make it through. If you let me I will give my heart to you So that I can feel you; what else can I do? Can you hold on just a little longer still? In your heart if you believe it then you will. Holding you, holding you, It's in you, River flows in you. Slow it down, slow it down. That river flows inside me too. Holding you, holding you, It's in you, River flows in you. Waiting now, waiting now Just be strong, You will make it through. Holding you, holding you, It's in you, River flows in you. Slow it down, slow it down. That river flows inside me too. Holding you, holding you, It's in you, River flows in you. Waiting now, waiting now Just be strong, You will make it through.' (A/N: River Flows In You~ Yiruma) From the look in his blue eyes, I could tell that it was a promise, his promise to me, even though we didn't know each other. But from his expression, I could tell that we will be meeting again. There was no need for words to be exchanged to know that. *** My dream faded away, as did the beautiful boy, but his eyes still remained in my memory. With furrowed eyebrows, I began contemplating my dream, however, when I tried recollecting it once more, all that I was able to bring to memory were blue eyes. Sighing, I picked up my journal, and went downstairs, already knowing that my Mum wasn't there, otherwise she would've been bugging me about those stupid pills. Of course there was a yellow sticky note on the fridge where I expected it, she wouldn't leave the house without me knowing. Without reading the note, I ripped it up and threw it away, already knowing what it was about. I could see my pills on the kitchen table. Instead of taking them, I angrily crushed all the small white pills until nothing but powder remained. "Don't do that." A small whisper warned, breaking the silence in the house, "please, you really shouldn't do that." Bewildered, I turned around, but of course there was no one there, as I had half expected. "Who's there!?" I called out louder than necessary. My voice echoed throughout the nearly empty house. All that met me was silence. Shaking mye head and sweeping the powdery remains of my pills into my cupped hand, I threw it away. Shaking my head, I sat at the table, opening my journal. December 7, Entry 3 Okay so I had a dream, as I do every night, but this one was different. I can't remember much of anything from it. Usually I remember my dreams, but I can't remember my dream from last night. All that I can remember are sad blue eyes, a few notes from a melody, and that's it. They were pretty blue eyes, I will say that much. Mum's left me home alone once again. This house feels so weird... it's hard to explain, but it's sort of a lonely feeling. But there's a creepy feel to it as well. I can't help but remember Zayn's earlier words 'No, their son died in there, and now he haunts the house.' But that can't be right, because if someone had died in this house, I'm pretty sure that the person who sold Mum the house would have said so. I threw out my pills so that I won't have to take them. Of course Mum will only get more once she finds out that my pills are in the garbage, but still, it'll take a bit for her to get me more. Fluoxtine isn't just something that you can just buy over the counter after all. My psychiatrist writes the prescription for it to give to the pharmacist. I know that Mum will be mad at me, but to be honest, I could really care less. They're just a bunch of stupid pills that don't even work, so they really have no use for me. If anything, they're making me hear weird things. I refuse to believe that there is a ghost in this house. They're not real, if they were, then 'he' would have paid me a visit by now, at least I would hope so. I seriously hope that we will be going back to Doncaster soon so that I can see 'him', or at least what's left of him. This place sucks, and I still want to go home, but I have a feeling that I won't be able to go home for awhile now.


	4. To Disappear

December 14, Entry 10

For the past week, I keep having dreams that I can remember. All that I can remember are those damn sad blue eyes. They won't stop haunting me.

Sometimes I remember a couple notes from a tune, but that's all that I can remember up to. During the day I sometimes catch myself humming, or whistling those few notes.

Mum probably thinks that I've officially gone crazy, because she had asked me what song I was humming.

I told her that I seriously didn't know.

She didn't say anything else, but she did look at me weirdly.

Mum still hasn't found out about my pills being in the garbage, she didn't realize that I haven't been taking them. If she has, she hasn't said anything yet.

I'll have to continue this entry later, because my Mum's calling me down for breakfast.

Quickly, I pulled on a random flannel shirt. Though it was my first day of school, I knew that I didn't have to dress nicely to impress. I don't need to impress anyone.

"HAROLD! Hurry up and get down here or else you'll be late!" she yelled even louder.

Sighing, I hid my journal under my pillow so that she wouldn't find it. Purposely taking my time to walk down the stairs, I then strolled into the kitchen.

"Morning Mum," I said casually as I took out a bowl, and some random cereal boxes.

"What took you so long to get ready!?" She asked me annoyed.

I shrugged, not answering as I poured myself a bowl of the random mixed cereals. After pouring the amount of milk needed, I then took my seat at the table.

My mum watched me as I ate as if she was silently assessing me. "Have you been taking your pills?"

Once she brought up the stupid pills, I completely ignored her, not even attempting to answer, or give a gesture.

"I asked you a question." My mum stated flatly.

"Yeah, I know that," I answered in the same tone as she did.

She crossed her arms, "when I ask you a question, I expect an answer."

"Does it look like I care?" I asked her as I got up to put my bowl in the sink.

It was her turn to sigh as she faced me, placing her hands on my biceps, lightly grabbing them to hold me place. "Harry, please tell me the truth about your pills. You know how important they are."

"Threw them out," I answered clearly, looking her in the eyes.

In her eyes I was able to register hurt, and a sense of betrayal. "Harry, you know that you can't just throw away your pills! You have to take them or else you'll never get better! I'm not sure if I can even send you to school now!"

"Mum, I'll be completely fine."

"You may be okay now, but just wait until you start getting stressed out in school, who knows what will happen then." My Mum answered vehemently.

"You're stressing me out now Mum; so do you really think that this little argument is helping me get any 'better'? Besides Mum, it's been an entire week, and I still haven't reacted to the withdrawal. Do you really think that one day more will do any harm?"

Her eyes stared into my own. Though there was a hint of skepticism, she nodded anyways, "fine, you'll go to school today, but if anything happens, you call right away. I swear though, Harold if you get hurt, I won't let you go to school again. Is that understood?"

"Yes Mum?" I nodded immediately.

***

The moment I walked into the guidance counseling office to get my schedule I was warmly greeted by the guidance counselor.

"Hello there, you must be our new student Harold Styles. I was wondering when you would arrive. "

I raised my eyebrow, trying to decide whether or not it was creepy that she already knew my name. "It's just Harry, actually, and it's harder to get to the school than you think," I shrugged, and sat down even though she didn't invite me to, but she didn't seem to really mind.

"Yes yes, quite understood, new town, new house, new people. I am assuming that you want your schedule?"

I nodded in response.

She flipped through a stack of papers before handing me my schedule, "here you go."

Thanking her, I stood up, schedule in hand. However she motioned for me to sit down again, "just wait here until Zayn comes. He's going to be your guide since you two share most of the same classes."

"Oh," I mumbled, sitting back down. There was an awkward silence between us as I sat there waiting. "But any chance, is Zayn the one with the super tall quiff?"

She chuckled, "the very same."

Just as she said that, the door slammed open as Zayn walked in. "Sorry it took me so long to get here, I had to finish something."

When I studied him, I noticed a hickey on his neck that looked relatively new. When Zayn's eyes fell on me, I knew that he instantly recognized me by the way his eyes widened a fraction.

***

The teachers here were nice to some degree, but I wish that I can say the same for the students.

While in calculus, the person behind me apparently thought it funny to continually yank on my curls. When I turned to tell him to cut it out, the teacher threw a warning glance my way, so I sighed, turning back around to face the front.

Zayn had apparently found my whole situation quite amusing.

A series of chuckles left his lips, "Harry, he's on the footy team, they do that to practically everyone that isn't."

"That' not right," I said, unamused.

He shrugged, "tell that to them, not me."

'Maybe I will,' I thought to myself.

'Maybe you should,' I heard a voice whisper, and my mind seemed to cloud over, only focusing on that one small whisper.

Confused, I looked around the hallway only to see no one but Zayn next to me.

"You good?" He asked me, looking a bit confused, and maybe even a tad concerned.

I only nodded to ease his concerns as we neared the lunch room, however, I could feel my head spinning from dizziness, and confusion.

My head slowly started to unclog as I sat at a random lunch table next to Zayn. The table was empty except for the two of us. "Is this table always this empty?" I asked.

"No, Perry's usually here, but she got suspended for pulling a prank of the footy team last week," Zayn answered with a shrug.

"Serves them right," I mumbled.

"Niall used to be here too, but his mum decided to pull him out of school because of... well..."

Zayn's sentence was cut short as group of other boys my age came over to Zayn and I's table, I'm guessing that they were footy players, because they made it quite distinct.

"Well who do we have here? Did the little gay boy actually make a friend?" One of them said mockingly to Zayn. "What happened to that other whore that you'd hang out with, did you finally replace her with someone else?"

"Would you shut the fuck up already? All you're doing right now is wasting our space, and time, so why don't you go walk away before you really regret it," I said dead calmly.

The same dude raised his eye, moving closer to me instead. "Did you hear that? It sounds like gay boy's bitch is actually trying to defend him."

There were a few chuckles before he continued talking, "don't worry we'll be leaving soon, because we don't want to catch your disease. However, I'm warning you, if you so much as dare to look in my direction, you will regret it, understood?"

"Yes," Zayn mumbled before I could say anything else.

Just as they said they would, they walked away.

"Do they always treat you guys like that?" I asked quietly.

He nodded, "yeah."

"I know how it feels you know. Back in Cheshire I'd get bullied sometimes," I admitted.

Zayn didn't answer me for awhile, and we just sat in a comfortable silence. After a few minutes, though, Zayn spoke, but when he did, it was on a completely different topic.

"Don't go into the garden."

I furrowed my eyebrows, completely confused, "what?"

"The garden behind your house, don't go into it. People have disappeared in there, you know. I just don't want you to be just another person to disappear into that damn garden," he shrugged. "I need someone here to stand up for me, you know."

***

December 14, Continuation of Entry 10

Okay, so apparently people tend to disappear into the garden from time to time.

I hope that I'm not the only one to find this creepy.

Zayn even said that Perry's little sister had disappeared into the garden, because she had lost her toy in the garden, and went to get it. However she never did came out.

So I guess that I'm not going anywhere near the garden anytime soon, not that I wanted to in the first place.

I'll remember that the next time that my mum wants to do some gardening or something out there, I really don't want her to disappear too.

The footy players back in Cheshire are better than the ones here.

The footy players here are homophobic, and stupid.

I'm not gay or bi,but I do support it. Love should be open to anyone, it doesn't matter what their gender is.

Mum didn't freak out as much over my pills as I thought she would have.

She was concerned, and worried though, because she wouldn't be able to get me any more of my pills until the spring at least.

I'm totally okay with not taking those stupid pills for a few months.

My mum and I may not share the same opinion, but we somehow manage to get by. Though we may not get along sometimes.

I always protect my mum though, no matter what.

Right now I'm just hoping that I can protect her from what ever is going on here.

I don't need her to disappear like 'he' did.

Sometimes I want to disappear forever, but I can't, because I know how dangerous that would be.


	5. To Remember

There was a small brown haired girl in pigtails and wearing a pale yellow dress.

As her brown eyes stared into mine I couldn't help but stare back at her, as if in a trance.

"Hi," I said.

She didn't say anything, walking into the garden before I could say anything else, before I could warn her.

She disappeared, and there was a scream.

My dream faded away, and I woke up panting. Shaking my head to get rid of the feeling that I was being watched, I took out my journal from underneath my pillow, and instantly began to sloppily write.

December 15, Entry 11

After what Zayn told me yesterday about the garden, I want to learn more about this house, and the garden, and this so called 'ghost', even if it will creep me out more.

Where do these people disappear off to?

How old is this house?

What is this ghost's name?

Fortunately for me, Mum won't be able to get my more of my pills for awhile. Unfortunately for me, she won't stop asking me if I'm okay, when to be honest, I'm better than ever without those pills.

Though the downside is that I keep hearing voices, and whispers that no one else seems to hear.

Sometimes they actually say things, but other times they don't, just mindlessly whispering..

Maybe taking myself off of the pills is making me hear things.

If my Mum found out about it, I'd never hear the end of it from her.

It's super early in the morning, and I'm up just to write in this journal, if it had feelings, it should be flattered.

Anyways, I can actually remember my dream from last night.

I didn't dream about blue eyes last night, but instead brown ones, a little girl, and of course the garden. The little girl was so familiar, but I don't remember seeing her anywhere.

It's too early to be awake, but too late to even try and go back to sleep.

I guess that I can do my homework, since I really have nothing else to do, or write about.

Sighing, I placed my journal back under my pillow, and took out my folder filled with homework, and a bunch of various other papers that I was going to throw out anyways.

***

"Zayn, which Tomlinson died in the house?" I asked Zayn as I sat across from him during lunch.

Zayn's brow furrowed as he tried remembering. "I think his name was Lewis or something like that." He finally decided.

"How old was he?"I asked curiously.

"Fifteen or sixteen I think, Niall remembers better than I do," Zayn admitted.

I contemplated his answer before I remembered a question that lurked in the back of my thoughts, "how did Lewis die exactly?"

He shrugged, "I don't know. Not many people knew him while he was alive, you know. He was just a shadow in the classroom that was there one day and gone the next. Niall was really the only one that knew him, and he was really Louis' only friend."

"Who's Niall?" I asked.

"He's my-"

"Hey Zayn!" A girl with neon pink dyed hair interrupted him as she sat next to Zayn while looking at me, "and who might you be, Curly?"

Zayn shook his head, "his name is Harry, Perrie."

She chuckled, "well hello Harry! Our names rhyme, by the way."

I looked between Zayn, and Perrie, and came to the conclusion that the two had to be dating. "Hi Perrie..."

"Harry moved into the Tomlinsons' house," Zayn informed her.

Her eyes suddenly turned grave, "that place is haunted. Don't go in the garden, my sister disappeared in there."

Zayn elbowed Perrie, "he knows, Perrie. I told him yesterday."

Perrie rolled her eyes, "does it really look like I care?"

"Well no, but-" Zayn started. I watched in amusement as she gave him a look that shut him up.

I knew that we were going to be friends, however, somehow I felt that it wasn't going to last all that long.

***

December 15, Continuation of Entry 11

Zayn, Perrie and I are already friends.

They're the first real friends that I've ever had, because they didn't judge me.

They didn't know about the pills.

They didn't know about 'him', or the memories.

I just hope that I can continue being their friends.

I find it really sad that no one really remembers Lewis, and that he only had Niall as his friend since no one else even wanted to take the time to know him.

I already have more friends than him, and I didn't even really try.

It's even more sad that no one can truly remember, and faintly I find my own self wondering if anyone would remember me if I were to die as well.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AN: HIHI! Sorry it's so short!!!


	6. Gemma

"I bet I can climb higher than you!" I heard the teasing voice of a girl.

"Gemma wait up!" I called out to her as she climbed higher up the tree. I watched in wonder asher small agile body climb easily up the next couple branches.

I watched nervously, biting my bottom lip, "Gemma, I think you should come down now!" I called up to her.

She snorted, "as if I'd listen to you!"

Higher and higher she climbed up the tall tree. "Just be careful!" I called up.

"Whatever!" She called down, climbing up the next few branches. As she reached the top of the tree, and sat on the top branch, she stuck her tongue out, "see, nothing to worry about you ninny!"

I sighed in relief, "just hurry up and climb down before mum sees you up there!"

"Nah, I'll pass," Gemma shrugged. "Aren't you coming up?"

"And get trouble too? No way," I shook my head.

She sighed in frustration, "Harry, quit being so annoying, and just join me up here! This branch is sturdy enough! See!?" Once again she stood up on it.

However, my face paled as there was a loud crack that echoed throughout the entire area, and into my own ears. "HARRY!" I could hear Gemma's high pitched screams.

My eyes widened as I could only watch as she fell, hitting many branches on her way down. By the time she reached the ground, there was a sickening crack that I knew wasn't a branch.

"MUMMY!" I screamed at the top of my lungs.

I kneeled by Gemma's side.

Her head was twisted at an awkward angle that couldn't be comfortable. Bruises marred her face and bare arms, along with scratches.

"Gemma!" I whispered frantically, shaking her praying that maybe that would make her stop staring.

However, her brown eyes continued to stay open, staring up at me. When she didn't stop staring, I knew that she wasn't really there.

There was just no life in her eyes.

Crying now, I pleaded for her to do something, anything to show me that she was still okay.

But that was the moment when I noticed that she wasn't breathing.

***

Breathing heavily, I quickly got up as I felt a sudden roll of nausea in the pit of my stomach.

Quickly, but calmly, I made my way to the bathroom, just barely making it to the toilet before I emptied my stomach's contents into the toilet.

I couldn't get the image of Gemma's dead body out of my head.

My dream, it was all so real, too real.

It was almost as if I had actually been there before. Maybe not recently, but I've definitely been there before. There was a sense of familiarity there that I couldn't quite place my finger on.

My mum knocked on the door, sleepily asking, "Harry are you in here?"

Flushing the toilet, I rolled my eyes, "well duh."

"Are you okay in there?" she asked, her voice sounding concerned.

'No', I wanted to answer, however a 'yeah' came out of my mouth instead, deciding that I'd bring up Gemma later.

"Okay," she said quietly, seeming more tired than before. "Goodnight, Harry. Love you hon."

"Love you too, Mum," I mumbled, really meaning it.

***

I didn't confront Mum about Gemma in the morning either

***

"Zayn, how did Lewis look like?" I asked.

Perrie and Zayn exchanged a look. "Why are you asking, have you seen him?" asked Perrie, even though my question hadn't been for her.

I quickly shook my head, "no no it's just that... I was wondering. Just in case I do happen to see Lewis, I'll know that it's actually him."

"One does not just 'happen to see Lewis', you can only see him if he wants you to. He'll appear to you on his own time, when he's ready," Perrie spoke as if it was the wisest thing she had ever said.

"Ignore her." Zayn rolled his eyes, "anyways, Lewis was short, and young... too young, around fifteen. Well now he's seventeen, but ghosts don't really age. He had blue eyes brown hair, and a nice bum."

"Oh," I blushed a bit as I pictured how Lewis would look, and to put it lightly, he was pretty damn hot. "Um, what would he wear?"

"Anything he wanted to, he didn't really care about what others would say," Zayn answered. "But he'd mostly wear sweatshirts, so others couldn't see..." he trailed off, so Perrie took the chance to cut it.

"He was the cutest ever! He was so shy, and everyone was surprised when he had actually made a friend," she said, almost sadly.

Zayn elbowed Perrie, "be nice to Lewis. He can't even defend himself if he wanted to."

Perrie rolled her eyes, "whatever."

"Zayn, you said that Niall was Lewis' friend, can I maybe meet him sometime?" I asked.

He thought for a moment, "well I'd have to ask him and his parents if it's okay with them. Niall is a little... fragile after what happened."

I nodded, "I can totally do that."

"Okay then, we'll see if they'll allow it tomorrow." Zayn said, then joked. "But you should probably shave that stubble before you see him. He might end up liking it too much."

***

That night at the silent dinner table, as I scooped a spoonful of soup into my mouth, I decided to finally pop the question that had been distracting me all day.

"Mum, who was Gemma?" I asked quietly.

My Mum paled drastically, and cleared her throat, "why are you asking?"

"Because I had a dream about her last night. She fell down, out of a tree, and I just watched. But there were cuts and bruises in her face, and arms. Her neck had broken immediately, and she died," I answered slowly.

"She is no one of your concern," she mumbled, putting her bowl in the sink.

"But Mum-"

"Did you not hear me!? She is no one to you!" She surprised me by yelling at me. "She was my perfect angel! Gemma was perfect in every way that you could never be! She wasn't depressed like you! She didn't have to take those stupid damn pills in order to think right like you have to!"

Ouch...

Getting out of my chair, I left the rest of my soup on the table. Without another word, I stomped upstairs, slamming the bathroom door shut, locking it behind me.

Quickly going through the drawers and cabinets in search of a razor, I started crying tears of frustration as I couldn't find any.

"Please don't cry," I heard a voice whisper. "I hid them, because I knew that you were going to do this eventually... but please, don't hate me..." the sentence trailed off.

I shivered as I felt a cold draft of air, and suddenly I felt just tired.

Sighing, I walked out of the bathroom, and into my room, locking that door too. Sitting on my bed, I took out my journal

December 16, Entry 12

Well now I know what my mum really thinks about me.

I had a dream about a girl last night. Her name was Gemma, and she was young, maybe seven or eight. She fell out a tree and died in my dream, but it felt too real.

I told Mum about my dream last night, but she yelled at me.

She pretty much said that 'She was my mum's perfect angel, Gemma was perfect in every way that I could never be. She wasn't depressed like me. She didn't have to take those stupid damn pills in order to think right like I have to.'

Well that sure makes me feel good about myself, note the serious sarcasm.

I almost cut after I heard my mum say that, but the whispers stopped me, also, they said that it hid my razors, so now I'm wondering how exactly I'm supposed to shave or if I even am.

Anyways, I've gotta get to sleep. After all, if I'm lucky maybe, I'll get to see Niall tomorrow.

And maybe, just maybe if I'l even more lucky, I'll get to learn more about Lewis.


	7. Niall

December 17, Entry 13

Have to keep this short today, because, if I'm lucky, I'll get to see Niall today, and learn more about Lewis. I'm pretty eager to learn more about this 'ghost' that supposedly haunts this house.

Last night, I had the same dream about Gemma.

To be honest, I know that I'm supposed to feel bad for Gemma, that's how I felt before, but now, after what happened with my mum, I really dislike Gemma. Though I'm not at all glad that she's dead.

I don't use the word 'hate' lightly, because I know the effect it can have on people.

So, I use dislike instead of hate.

Anyways, I'd rather dream about blue eyes and music, instead of Gemma.

It's getting late, and I'd rather not be late for school today, so I should get going.

***

"I'm so sorry about last night, Harry. I didn't mean anything that I said, please forgive me for my actions last night," my mum nearly begged me.

Without answering, I poured the rest of my cereal down the sink, and haphazardly placed my bowl inside afterwards. Walking out of the kitchen, I pulled on my shoes, and grabbed my backpack.

"Harry, please don't do this again," my mum whispered.

"Well what the Hell else do you expect me to do?" I snapped at her. When she didn't answer, I opened the door. "I've gotta go, don't wanna be late for school."

Walking out, I slammed the door behind me.

As I walked to school, I find myself not at all regretting the way that I treated my mum.

***

"Before you meet Niall, there's a few things you need to know," Zayn said as we walked to Niall's house.

"Okay, fire away," I answered.

"Well, Lewis was Niall's best friend, so as you could probably imagine, he's pretty upset about Lewis' death, so he almost never talks about him. When you ask him your questions, be mindful of that. Okay?"

I nodded, "I can understand that."

"And also Niall is... different... very different from us. He's been physically... impaired from the accident. While he may look and be different, please don't treat him like he is, because he already knows. It's just that he's very... fragile, so just please be careful with him..." Zayn's voice trailed off at the end.

Again, I nodded, "he's a human being with feelings like all of us, I wouldn't even dare to think about treating him any differently."

Zayn seemed to be fighting an internal battle when he stopped in front of a house. "Well uhm, here we are." He mumbled while taking out a key, and unlocked the front door.

Holding the door open for me, he then closed it once I was inside, and locking it once more.

Zayn dumped his backpack on the floor as if he's done it numerous times, so I did the same, placing my backpack next to his.

"His mum and dad aren't here today, just to warn you. So we can't burn the house down or anything, so I advise that you be careful."

I nodded, to show that I understood. Following Zayn, I walked up the stairs.

Without knocking, Zayn opened the door to someone's room, revealing a blond headed boy at his computer. When he turned to look at us, he looked at me straight in the eyes.

His icy blue eyes immediately pierced mine.

Blue eyes...

But they were different blue eyes from the ones that linger in my dreams, they were softer, sadder. These are piercing, and pained, but not sad, no not sad.

Yet still, I felt as if I knew these blue eyes too.

Zayn cleared his eyes, and went over to Niall, pecking him lightly on the lips. "Niall, this is Harry. He moved into the Tomlinsons' house, as I told you before. He came because he has a few questions about Lewis."

Niall's nose scrunched up, and he turned to his computer, typing something. When he pressed enter, the computer spoke. "His name was Louis, not Lewis." I frowned, not understanding why the computer had to speak for Niall.

"Oh yes, sorry, Ni, I keep forgetting." Zayn mumbled, blushing slightly.

Once again, Niall quickly typed something into the computer, "it's okay Z. You can go now, so that I can talk to Harry. This is something that I'd rather do one on one."

"Do you want me to help you into your wheelchair or are you good with just sitting there?"

"I'm okay here." The computer said once Niall typed it.

"Okay, just call if you need anything," Zayn said as he walked out.

Niall made a gesture for me to sit down, and I listened, sitting in a chair that was across from him. The room was silent except for the soft typing, as Niall typed something out.

"So, Harry, what would you like to know?" the computer spoke for Niall.

"Can you talk at all?" I whispered

"No," the computer answered for him.

"Why?" I asked more clearly, I was starting to understand that this computer was his only way of communication.

"Louis Tomlinson and I were best friends. I was his only friend, but he wasn't my only friend." Niall's computer said, changing the topic.

"Why are you changing the subject I asked-"

His computer cut me off. "I know what you asked, and Louis' death has everything to do as to why I'm... like this."

I nodded, letting him continue.

"It wasn't fair really how others would treat him, though. Members of the footie team were particularly... harsh, especially with the slurs. Louis was gay, but they didn't like that, so they'd beat him up constantly. It got so bad that he'd always wear sweaters to cover up the bruises. One day I was sick of the sweaters, and stood up for Louis. They stopped beating Louis up for a week."

Niall's fingers slowly typed out the next part, I could see emotion dancing with tears in his eyes. "A week went by. Then two. Then three. We thought that it was over, that we were safe, but God were we wrong. Lou and I were out driving one night. Well I was the one driving, since I was old enough, and we wanted to celebrate his birthday. Louis was only fifteen, but very smart, and observant..."

Now he had my attention as his fingers grazed over the keys, not exactly typing, it was as if he was contemplating what words to type next. When he found the right words, his fingers began to fly.

"He was the first to notice that a car was following us. It turned left when we did, turned right when we did, so I decided to bring Louis home. I didn't expect them to follow us all the was to Louis' house, but they did. But I kept driving, because I wanted to keep Louis safe. The car behind us bumped into us, once, twice, three times. Louis was scared, Hell, I was scared too, but I didn't want him to know that. I drove faster to get away from the car. He told me to 'look out'. But it was too late. A car driving in the wrong direction, drove straight into the front of our car. Louis died in my arms, the life left from his blue eyes. I suffered a head wound, that prevents me to speak, and I have no usage of my legs at all. Compared to Louis' body, it's nothing compared to how broken Louis looked."

My eyes widened at the new information, and deep down, I knew that Louis was supposed to die, as everyone else is supposed to, but his soul lives on still, because he's not done here yet.


	8. The Face Behind the Glass

A boy with brown hair, and blue eyes reached his hand out towards me. "Just take my hand, trust me, Harry. Please, just trust me."

My eyebrows furrowed, and words came out of my mouth without me even having to think of them, "how do I know you won't leave me again?"

"You don't. That's why you just have to trust me on this one Curly," he smiled slightly, almost sadly.

Sighing, I reached out and took his waiting hand.

The moment our hands connected, there was a bright light, and the darkness around us disappeared. Then, slowly as my eyes adjusted to the light, a garden began to materialize around the two of us.

That was the moment that I chose to wake up.

December 18, Entry 14

I had a dream about the garden, and a boy, who I think is Louis. (Not Lewis!) It was weird, because it was as if we had known each other already, which we really don't.

While I'm on the subject of Louis, I got to see Niall yesterday, and he is quite different, just like Zayn had said.

I learned about Louis' death too. Come to find out, his name is actually Louis, not Lewis. It's sad that I couldn't even get his name right. He died horribly at a young age. Louis was only fifteen, younger than me. He really didn't deserve to die.

If he was still alive, I would totally be friends with him... maybe even more.

Quite unfortunately, while Niall was scarred physically from losing Louis, he was also scarred emotionally, and mentally as well.

My mum was pissed off at me last night for coming home so late, and not calling her. To be honest, I forgot all about my mum, instead I was busy questioning Niall. There was a picture on his desk by his computer of a boy with brown hair, and blue eyes. Maybe it was Louis. I'm guessing that it was.

Oh, and by the way, I almost forgot to say this, but Zayn is gay, and going out with Niall!

They make a good couple, so I wasn't surprised.

Though at first I thought that Zayn was going out with Perry, he didn't really strike me as gay.

Anyways, I have a song stuck in my head, and I don't even know the lyrics to it, so I can't listen to it. All that I can remember are a few of the notes, not even the whole song.

These voices keep telling me to go into the garden.

From what I keep hearing about the garden, I'd really rather not.

Today, winter break starts, and Mum might want to put up the Christmas tree with me later on.

***

My mum and I sat in awkward silence as I ate my breakfast, and she watched me. However, she decided to break the silence by clearing her throat.

"Harry, I think that you're old enough to learn about Gemma now." My Mum said quietly, almost hesitantly.

Quickly, I stuffed another spoonful of cereal into my mouth to avoid saying anything in response.

"Well... Gemma was your older sister. After she died, you just... forgot entirely about her, as if she didn't even exist. So, I let you forget, because I didn't want to hurt you anymore by telling you what had actually happened to her. I guess that your brain decided to suppress the memory since it was so... tragic..." she trailed off, and I could tell that she was near tears.

I swallowed my bite with a bit of difficulty.

"How... did she die?" I asked carefully, although it came out more cold than anything.

Mum's face screwed up as if to even recollect those memories were physically hurting her. "She... fell out of a tree, the branch broke..."

There was a loud echoing crack, and a high pitched scream as Gemma screamed out my name, as if she expected me to help her.

"Immediately, her neck cracked..."

There was another crack, more sickening than the first. And suddenly, I was able to see Gemma's head turned at an odd, unnatural angle.

"She died with her eyes opened..."

Her brown eyes were dull, lifeless, and staring up into mine, even though she wasn't actually there.

"Dead brown eyes..." those three words were all that I caught before I felt bile begin to rise in the back of my throat.

Haphazardly pushing my chair out, I ran to the bathroom just in time to empty the contents of my stomach into the toilet.

The word kept echoing in my ears over and over 'dead, dead, dead.' I could see her dead broken body laying on the ground, lifeless.

She's dead too, just like Louis, just like Him.

On shaky feet, I got up to flush the toilet, and wash my hands. Once I finished, I began to splash water on my face, hoping that it would help to calm me down.

Drying my face, I studied myself in the mirror.

Under my eyes, dark bags were beginning to take their form, however instead of my tired green eyes stared into my own, I was met with blue eyes.

I frowned as a familiar face began to materialize around those sad blue eyes.

My own eyes widened as I realized who it was, as I remembered Niall's words. 'Louis died in my arms, the life left from his blue eyes.' Then, I remembered the picture on Niall's desk, and I knew for certain that it was Louis.

"LEAVE ME ALONE!" I yelled at the mirror just as his mouth opened to speak. Driving my fist into the mirror, immediately it shattered when my fist made contact.

I wasn't aware of the glass in my hand, digging into my fingers, biting my palm.

I wasn't aware of the glass shattered all around me.

But I was aware, and grateful for the fact that Louis' face was gone, no longer in the mirror.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AN: Hey! I hope you liked it! I'm sorry that it's so short, but I promise that more will happen in the next couple of chapters!


	9. Louis William Tomlinson

Journal and pen in my good hand, I walked outside.

It's now Christmas Eve, and I've been getting this strange urge to go into the garden since I've smashed the window.

Now my hand is wrapped up in bandages, and I can't do anything at all with it. So I thought that there's really no harm if I do go into the garden, since I'm not able to do anything else.

That's pretty much the only reason why I'm walking into the backyard towards the garden.

I'm just plain bored, and even if I do disappear, it would be a lot better than boredom.

I reached the threshold of the garden which was no more that a crumbling rock wall that looked like it could have been great a year or so back. A rusty gate was closed, and locked, but the old latch looked as if it would fall off at any given moment.

With cold shaky fingers, I undid the latch. Almost immediately, the gate swung wide open on squeaky rusty hinges as if it were beckoning me inside.

For a few minutes, I stared at the brown withered leaves, and dead bare trees, skinny as a wick, looking so fragile and brittle that it seemed that a light gust of wind could knock them down.

Tentatively, I took a step over the threshold, and once I was completely on the other side, I felt this weird sensation. It was sort of like a rush, almost euphoric mixed with despair, and anxiety, almost like a roller coaster.

I felt lightheaded, but that soon faded away and I hadn't realized my eyes were closed until I opened them. When I did, it was bright, so bright that I couldn't see anything. I couldn't hear anything over the loud ringing in my ears.

Suddenly, I felt lighter, much lighter, as if I didn't weigh a pound. My heart felt lighter, as if I didn't have the slightest care in the world.

It was as if I was on a high.

My hearing returned to me first, and when it did I was able to hear the sweet melody from singing birds. I could also hear the singing of something lower, but softer, and even more beautiful. However, it was sad.

The lyrics were slow, and familiar, but somehow it matched the birds' higher pitch with both harmony and meaning.

"There's a road inside your heart made just for you.

Don't be scared take your first step and then take two.

Pain will come but I believe you can endure.

Further down that road just trust a little more."

It's almost like a dream.

Next came my sight as my eyes slowly adjusted themselves to the light.

The garden was huge, and prosperous. The trees were sturdy, and filled in with leaves. The ground was covered in lush green grass instead of littered with ugly dead leaves. Exotic flowers with vibrant bright colors sprouted everywhere, but mostly along the river bank.

December 24, Entry 20

It is so peaceful here in the garden, real peace.

This is so unreal, and I'm writing this to prove to myself that it isn't a dream.

The garden completely transformed in seconds from dead and empty to alive and peaceful, not to mention its element of beauty.

Niall told me about how Louis would always be in the garden, and now I can see why.

My hand that I punched the mirror with feels better, but I don't want to take the bandage off, if I do then I'll probably end up not being able to put it back on.

This garden is a lot bigger than I thought it would be, there's even a river!

I'm in awe with the garden, so I'll definitely be coming back when I can. To think that I was never going to come in here.

It's weird, though, because it's almost as if the garden has this sort of pull to me, or more like I to it, because I seriously didn't want to go into the garden, and yet here I am.

Right now I'm getting so tired that it's hard to explain.

I wasn't tired a few minutes ago, but I am now. 

It appears that any high that I was experiencing before has worn off or something.

And I find the garden's song quite beautiful and lulling.

It's almost as if it were purposely singing me to sleep.

***

I awake to the sound of someone nearby humming. My eyes adjusted to the light, I saw I brown haired boy sitting on his knees, weaving together a colorful flower crown. The one on top of his own head was slightly lopsided, and a few stray petals were loose in his hair. Blue eyes were focused on the deft movements that his fingers made.

"I feel peace here too, real peace," he said softly, almost timid.

My mouth opened and closed multiple times.

That was when his pale fingers paused at their work, and he looked up at me, his soft blue eyes held sadness.

Blue eyes....

These were the very same blue eyes from my dreams.

"Why won't you leave me alone?" came unexpectedly out of my mouth.

"Because that is the problem that you and I share, we are both alone." He explained, "sorry that I brought you here. If you want to go back you can, it's just that I'm all alone here, and I'm tired of it."

"It's okay, I don't mind it here. In fact I like it here a lot." I said, mouthing my thoughts out loud.

"I'm Louis William Tomlinson... in case you wanted to know. Though, I'm pretty sure that you already know who I am." He tilted his head to the side, and instantly I knew from the look he was giving me, that he knew a lot more than that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AN: Hey! I'm sorry that it's so short But I honestly tried to make it longer! I guess that the laws of physics don't want to listen to me. Anyways, school's almost over!!! I hope that you liked this chapter, and I'd really appreciate feedback. See you later, hope you liked this chapter!


	10. Flower Crowns

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AN: Just as a heads up, this may be short, because I was supposed to combine this with the previous chapter, but I chose not to. Anyways, I hope that you enjoy the chapter! Okay, never mind, this turned out being longer than I thought it would be.

Previous chapter: "I'm Louis William Tomlinson... in case you wanted to know. Though, I'm pretty sure that you already know who I am." He tilted his head to the side, and instantly I knew from the look he was giving me, that he knew a lot more than that.

My eyes widened, and my jaw dropped. Louis bit his lip in anticipation, and quickly averted his eyes, returning to weaving his flowers together once again. "I'm sorry," he mumbled again. "You can leave anytime you want."

I shook my head, both snapping out of my trance, and answering Louis' question. "It's just that... you're really here... talking to me right now... I don't believe it..."

"Well I'm here so..." he trailed off.

With a shaky finger, I poked his rib cage, and quickly pulled it back when I felt skin and warmth through his shirt, and he giggled.

"Don't do that it t-tickles," he stuttered slightly out of breath from the unexpected touch.

"How can I actually touch you? You're supposed to be dead!" He flinched a bit when I raised my voice, and I realized how wrong that sounded coming out of my mouth. "I'm sorry I-"

"No it's okay... are you scared of me?" Louis asked, looking up at me once again.

"No," I shook my head, "not at all."

He cocked his head to the side, staring at me as if intrigued, "oh... then why did you try to punch me in the mirror?"

I ran a frustrated hand through my hair, "I don't know I just... I thought that it would make you go away. You just wouldn't leave me alone, and I was very overwhelmed at the time."

"Sorry. I promise I don't do it on purpose. It's just that our souls are bound together, so I can't really help it. I'm really not used to all this... power... energy..." he paused for the longest time, and for a while I thought that he wasn't going to finish, but then he said the last word, and it came out barely as a whisper, "life..."

"What do you mean by that?" I asked, frowning slightly.

He gestured around us, "all this... this garden is here like this, alive because I am here. For once, something depends on me to live. I'm its energy source, and well... yeah."

"Why did you want me to come today, out of all days, why today?" I asked.

His nose scrunched up in the most adorable way, as if the question physically smelled bad to him. "It's my birthday today," Louis finally answered, sad blue eyes watched me carefully. "The anniversary of the day that I died..."

Suddenly I remember Niall's sad eyes, and his words, 'we wanted to celebrate his birthday. Louis was only fifteen.' Then I suddenly felt sick to my stomach.

His blue eyes watched me carefully, then made the last knot in the flower crown he was working on. "Can I... can I give you something...?" he asked quietly, carefully, as if he was scared of me.

I nodded, not able to articulate any words.

"Okay close your eyes, and no peeking," Louis said, sounding more relieved than anything.

"Fine fine," I mumbled, tightly closing my eyes.

With closed eyes, I focused on the noises around me, the soft sounds of the river as it flowed past rocks, the birds singing their sweet melodies, the small breaths that Louis took. I was aware of a sweet scent, one that I haven't smelled before.

It was sweeter than any flower I've smelt.

Cracking my eyes a bit, I searched for the source of the smell, but I wasn't able to see anything, and the sweet scent was surrounding me. Involuntarily, I found myself leaning into the scent, and breathing deeply. There was an almost intoxicating effect.

There was a giggle, Louis' giggle, and there was something placed on top of my head. "Harry, what are you doing?"

I froze, realizing that I was sniffing Louis' chest because he was the one that smelled so good. He went back to sitting down in his earlier spot, and I opened my eyes all the way.

Confused, I looked at him, and when I did, I noticed that he was wearing a different flower crown on his head, the pale one he was working on instead of a colorful one rested on his head.

With careful fingers, I reached up, to touch me head, but by fingers touched soft delicate petals instead, and I realized that he gave me his flower crown.

"Oh, thanks. I should be the one giving you gifts though."

He shook his head, "I don't need anything, just company. Also, can I try something, please?"

I nodded, and without warning he gently grabbed my bandage wrapped hand, unwinding the white, slightly bloody, bandages.

When he saw the cuts all over my hand, he bit his lip slightly.

"I didn't do it," I said, for some weird reason I felt the need to explain myself to him, even though I barely knew him.

"I know that, I was there remember," Louis whispered before bringing his mouth down to my hand. His lips tenderly touched a cut, then swiped his tongue over it. There was a slight sting before it disappeared. He continued this process for each cut.

Once he was finished, he grinned at me proudly as I held up my hand, gawking at it.

All the cuts were gone.

I don't know what to say first, but I wasn't aware of my own words as they tumbled out of my mouth. "You licked me!"

He giggled, blushing slighty, "yes, I licked you."

***

December 24, Continuation of Entry 20

I have mixed feelings right now.

I saw Louis, and he was absolutely adorable!

Apparently it's his birthday today, as well as the anniversary of his death... what a day to remember, but I guess that it's an important date as anything else, especially when you are a ghost.

He gave me his flower crown, and it smells like him, so I don't wanna take it off, but I also don't want to lose any of the petals. Though Louis did say that the petals won't fall off unless if he were to leave permanently.

I don't want to know what he means by that.

I don't want to find out, for once.

When I'm with Louis, I'm happy, and I don't want that to go.

Mum is mad at me for going into the garden without her knowing, though I don't think that she really needs to know if I'm in the garden. After all, it's only in the backyard.

You'll never believe what else happened!

He healed all the cuts on my hand just by licking them!

Yes, it is weirder than it sounds, I promise, but it was super cute!

Oh my goodness, I can't believe I'm saying this about a boy that isn't even alive!


	11. Home

Adrenaline didn't spike through my veins, as it would probably happen in the staged crazy car chases in a James Bond movie.

Instead, there was fear without exhilaration.

Niall was driving in the car, and I was next to him watching out the side mirror, watching the dark SUV with tinted window glass as it followed us. Whenever we turned right, they did too, when we turned left, they did the same.

I'm not sure if Niall beside me knew that the car was following us.

If he did, he was a lot calmer about it than me.

"Niall," I spoke up, voice small with fear. "We're being followed."

Biting his bottom lip, a nervous habit I noticed that he has, Niall adjusted his rear view mirror, and paled further than usual, if that was even possible for his already plain complexion. He didn't answer me, pressing his foot a bit heavier on the gas pedal.

In the pit of my stomach nausea began to form from my anxiety and fear. "Niall," I whispered again.

His icy blue eyes glanced over at me for a moment, but in that one moment I could register the fear in his eyes that he didn't let show on his face. It was the very same fear that I'm experiencing too.

If Niall was scared, then I automatically knew that something was very wrong.

Niall's eyes flashed to the rear view mirror again, studying our pursuer, speaking quietly for the first time in awhile, "It's Pit Bull."

Pit Bull was what Niall and I called one of the players on the footie team. He got his nickname, because one of his dogs is a pitt bull, and he would set his dog to chase after me all the time before I met Niall, and sometimes even after.

Suddenly, it grew harder for me to breathe, and I rolled down my window a tad, savoring the fresh air that difussed into the car.

I couldn't help the little scared scream I let out when there was a sudden jolt as the car behind us bumped into us. I also couldn't help the gag that emitted from my throat. In the back of my mind, I started to yearn to be in my garden instead of in this stuffy car.

Niall made a U-Turn, and they followed us.

Niall continued to drive up a familiar road, they followed us.

Niall drove to my familiar street, they followed us.

Niall drove to my house, however, when my garden was in sight, he drove right past, they followed us.

"Niall," I whimpered pathetically. "The garden, please take me to the garden."

"I'm sorry," Niall said, his voice shook slightly. I could hear a million emotions behind just those two words, "I don't want him to hurt you, Lou. Not anymore."

Sighing shakily to keep back my tears, I watched outside at the darkness that was beginning to slowly surround us, swallowing is. I wished that the darkness could hide us from Pitt Bull, but I knew that wouldn't work.

As Niall pressed heavily on the gas pedal, the car lurched forward with more energy.

I watched Pit's car behind us as he sped up as well. This time when he bumped into us, there was more force behind it, and Niall pressed on the brakes to prevent us from skidding off the road.

It was a warning, I knew this well enough.

"He's warning us to not do that again," I whispered.

"I don't give a damn!" Niall yelled, but I knew that he was just scared, so he was channeling his emotions into a different feeling that he can handle better.

Anger.

"Ni, please pay attention to the road," I said quietly. "Calm down, okay? We we will be okay."

Niall sighed heavily, "sorry for yelling, Lou. It's just that I don't know what to do, and I really don't want to get you hurt, and I just really want to keep you safe. Lou, you don't deserve to be treated like this." His last sentence was sad.

"No one does, Ni but it still happens. Can you... sing me that song, please?" I asked quietly, scared that he would turn down my question.

"Not at the moment, Lou," Niall whispered quietly.

I silently watched my side mirror. Our car lurched forward one last time as Pit pushed us passed a stop sign.

With wide eyes, I yelled at Niall as a car was driving towards us. "Look out Ni!"

However, it was too late, and there was an excruciating and horrible pain, then my world turned into darkness.

"Lou," Niall sniffled, and I was aware that I was in his bloody arms, or was it me that was bleeding.

I was in a weird in between state of numb, and pure agony. "Ni..." I trailed off, my voice was weak.

"Louis, are you okay?" he asked me franticly, tears falling down his dirty cheeks. I was aware of others around me, but I didn't care about them.

"Ni... garden please?" I asked, a tear sliding down my cheek, only for Niall to wipe it quickly away with his thumb.

"I'm so sorry Lou. I just wanted to keep you safe," his voice broke on the last word.

"The song... Ni... sing?" I asked, hoping that he would listen to me now.

"There's a road inside your heart made just for you.

Don't be scared take your first step and then take two.  
Pain will come but I believe you can endure.  
Further down that road just trust a little more.

Holding you, holding you,  
It's in you,  
River flows in you.  
Slow it down, slow it down.  
That river flows inside me too.  
Holding you, holding you,  
It's in you,  
River flows in you.  
Waiting now, waiting now  
Just be strong,  
You will make it through.

If you let me I will give my heart to you  
So that I can feel you; what else can I do?  
Can you hold on just a little longer still?  
In your heart if you believe it then you will.

Holding you, holding you,  
It's in you,  
River flows in you.  
Slow it down, slow it down.  
That river flows inside me too.  
Holding you, holding you,  
It's in you,  
River flows in you.  
Waiting now, waiting now  
Just be strong,  
You will make it through.

Holding you, holding you,  
It's in you,  
River flows in you.  
Slow it down, slow it down.  
That river flows inside me too.  
Holding you, holding you,  
It's in you,  
River flows in you.  
Waiting now, waiting now  
Just be strong,  
You will make it through."

His quivering voice faded in my ears as I began waking up, and when I did, I sighed in relief. I was myself again and no longer in Louis' body.

I held back the tears in my eyes, knowing exactly how he felt now. However, I couldn't help the one tear that escaped and slid down my face.

"Sh, please don't cry over me," I heard a voice whisper, and I knew it belonged to Louis.

"Louis," I whispered, my voice came out as a small choked sob.

Louis materialized on top of my bed, sitting with his legs crossed. This time, he was more transparent than he was in the garden, and I was almost afraid to touch him, knowing that my dream was a part of his horrible past. Touching him now would only confirm my dream true.

I sniffled, "Louis w-what happened w-wasn't right in any way."

He put his face in his hands, and I almost didn't hear his reply, "I know... but it led our souls together, that's all that matters."

Louis started to grow more transparent.

"Louis, what does that mean...?" I asked, but it was too late, he had already disappeared completely.

December 25 (Christmas), Entry 21

Now I know how Louis felt before he died.

He was very scared, but he knew what was happening.

I had a dream about how Louis died.

Now I know why that song is so important to him.

It was the last thing he ever head from Niall, his last memory of Niall, his last memory of being alive.

It may be Christmas, but I don't really feel in the Christmas spirit.

It's my first Christmas away from home, but strangely, I don't feel like I'm away from home when I'm with Louis.

Louis implied twice already that our souls are connected, but I wasn't able to ask him what he means by that.

Louis has officially changed my definition of what home really is.

Home: the person or place you want to return to over and over.

Eventually, I think that I might be able to call the garden home, because that is where Louis is.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AN: Hey! I hope you liked it!!! However, on that note, I will be going to Maryland for a couple weeks, so sadly I won't be able to update during those two weeks, so I am doing my best to update as much as I can this week. Love you all!!!


	12. Back To Cheshire, Memories, and Family

"Harry, I think that it's best if we go to Cheshire to see your psychologist." My Mum said feigning gentleness the day after Christmas.

I rolled on my side, facing away from her, "I'd rather not."

"Too bad, because we need to get you more of your pills." She snapped at me coldly, breaking her facade. I think that she's mad at me for not getting her anything for Christmas yesterday.

Rolling my eyes, I stared at the wall, studying the absence of color that was there. Faintly I find myself wondering if I'm in Louis' room or someone else's.

"Get up and get dressed, I expect you downstairs in fifteen minutes." Was the last thing she said before walking out of the room.

Sighing, I got up, and slowly got dressed. Louis appeared once I finished, "where are you going?"

"Cheshire to see my psychologist," I answered.

His face held confusion at my answer, "but why? You're not crazy."

I shrugged, "I'm depressed. I don't believe that there's a reason for me to live really." When I answered it was as if I stated that I was diagnosed with a disease instead.

"Do you believe that you're depressed?" He asked, sitting on the edge of my bed, not seeming the least bit phased by my confession as he swung his legs childishly.

"No," I snorted.

"Then it's not true," Louis shrugged. "If you don't believe it, then your body doesn't either, and then it's not true. Also, you don't believe that there's a reason for you to live, because you just don't know what to live for."

"I guess it seems logical since depression is a sickness of the mind. Best damn advice I've ever gotten, better than anything my psychologist has told me." I sat next to him. "So, who taught you that?"

"No one, I made it up myself," he smiled shyly, but proudly.

"Oh..." I said quietly, then said hesitated before changing the subject. "Louis, how did you die?"

Louis' eyes grew sad, "don't ask that if you already know." With his words hanging in the air, he disappeared, leaving me alone.

***

"So Harry, how have you been these past twenty one days?" Liam, my psychologist, asked me as he sat in a chair across from me.

"Just peachy," I answered sarcastically.

Liam nodded, writing down something in his notebook, changing tactic. "Have you been writing in that journal I gave you before you left?"

I nodded, "every day."

"What do you write about in your journal?" he asked.

"Living in Doncaster," And Louis, I add mentally.

"How is Doncaster?"

Shrugging, I looked down, "it's okay. I've made friends already. Niall, Zayn, Perry, and... Louis." I wasn't sure if I should talk to Liam about Louis, but I figure it's okay since he is my psychologist after all, and all of this is confidential.

"You hesitated before talking about Louis. Would you like to tell me why?" Liam raised an eyebrow.

"Well... Louis is different I guess you can say. He's only fifteen," I recalled. "But he's very reserved, and sad." ...And dead...

Liam hummed a bit before writing something else down, "your Mum said that you threw your pills out. Did any of your... friends provoke you to do that?"

I shook my head, "they don't even know about my pills."

"Is there any reason why you threw out your pills, then?"

"I was mad that I have to take them for no reason, they don't do anything to help me, and my Mum obsesses over me taking them." I spat out more harshly than intended.  
With guarded eyes, Liam nodded, "on what day did you throw away your pills?"

"The seventh," I immediately answered.

"So you have been almost twenty days without your pills. How are you feeling?"

I shrugged, "the same."

"Your Mum also said that you asked her about Gemma. Is there any particular reason why you asked her about Gemma?"

"I had a nightmare about her," I answered carefully. From the look in his eyes, I knew he wanted me to continue. "She fell out of a tree and died. It was so vivid, and I could tell you exactly how her hair was, and exactly what clothes she was wearing that day."

Liam nodded, "this was expected to happen. When many people, kids especially, witness such a... horrific event, the mind tends to block out that memory as a coping mechanism. However, scenes of the event can show up in the form of dreams, which resulted in the nightmare you had about her."

I nodded silently in understanding.

"Have you had any dreams about your dad?" Liam asked more sympathetically this time.

I shook my head, whispering, "no, but I think about him a lot less than I did before. It's different being away from home, and not being able to go to his grave every day."

"That can be understandable. How about we talk about your other friends." Liam suggested as he wrote something down.

***

I sat by my dad's grave as I used to every day.

"Hey dad, sorry I couldn't visit for so long. I've been in Doncaster, like I said before. It's very different there. Merry late Christmas, by the way. I wish that I could have been here to talk to you sooner. A lot is going on, you know."

I opened my mouth, and didn't even hesitate when I started telling him about Louis, "he's just so cute, and shy and I just want to spend every moment I have with him. Dad, I think that I actually like him as more than a friend, which is crazy because I only just officially met him two days ago. Oh by the way, Louis' a ghost, so I can't always see him, which is sad.

"You know what else is sad? Almost no one remembers Louis, only Niall truly does, because he was his only friend. Here I was thinking that I had it bad when he had it even worse. I'm glad that we met, because he does really need someone to keep him company, and to not make him sad. I fully intend to do that, because that's what someone like Louis deserves."

I talked to my dad's grave for hours that evening, knowing that he wasn't really there, but it gave me some comfort to finally confess all these things to someone, even if he isn't here with me right now.

Even though my Mum had to get me more pills, I didn't care, because I got to talk to my dad that night, and just for that evening it was nice to relive the memories.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AN: Hey! I didn't think that a journal entry was necessary in this chapter because Harry talked to his dad, which is close to a journal entry in some ways. Anyways, on a sadder note, if I don't update tomorrow, then this is my last update until I go to Maryland, I'll miss you all while I'm gone!!!


	13. When Life Is Confusing, I Look At You and It All Makes Sense

It was late at night when Mum and I got home. She didn't even try to talk to me, and I didn't try to talk to her. Mum is still mad at me, but I really could care less.

When we entered the house, I felt an overwhelming feeling of sadness. Deep down, I knew that it was somehow connected to Louis.

Tears unwillingly sprung to my eyes, and that was when my mum sighed and chose to look over at me.

"What's wrong Hon?" she asked quietly.

Tiredly, I shook my head, "nothing mum, just tired." As if on cue, a loud yawn forced it's way past my lips.

Nodding carefully she spoke again, "okay, you should sleep then. I know that you are on vacation, but you still need your rest."

Without answering her, I turned to go upstairs, managing to keep my tears at bay.

"And Harry," my mum said. "If you ever need to talk to someone, you can always talk to me."

Nodding, I continued my was upstairs and kept my cool up until I actually got in bed. Sniffling as I laid in bed, I closed my eyes to sleep, only then did I allow my tears to slide down my cheeks.

As I fell asleep, I wasn't sure why I was crying, but I did my best to ignore the salty tears, and the quiet sobs that left my throat.

"Come to the garden," Louis whispered into my ear.

His warm breath lightly ghosted over the rim of my ear, and I shuddered slightly when goosebumps rose to the surface of my skin. "No," I lightly groaned. "Not now."

"Please Harry, I'm so lonely, please come to the garden," Louis' sad blue eyes beckoned to me. Although I could hear his voice in my ear, his soft voice echoed still as if he were far away.

Louis took a couple steps back, and my brow furrowed, "come back, stay with me."

"Follow me back to the garden, take my hands and follow me," he coaxed.

I almost couldn't control my arm as I reached out for Louis, but he was too far away to touch. Taking a few stumbling steps forward, I grabbed Louis' small hands in my own.

"There you go," he cooed, taking a small step back, I followed with a small step forward. "Just follow me, and you'll be just fine."

All around us was darkness, Louis was glowing like an angel, and as we neared the garden, the rusty gates shone as if they were made out of gold.

It was already unlocked and opened so that I didn't have to do it myself.

This time when we stepped over the threshold I didn't even need to adjust to the light headed feeling I got, nor the bright lights. However, I still felt as light as a feather, as if I was floating instead of walking, and Louis was the only one keeping me anchored.

Louis grinned widely, and let go of my hands only to hug me around my waist, and I hugged him back gently.

When we broke away, Louis lightly pushed on my chest, "lay down and go to sleep."

"But what about-"

Shushing me, Louis placed a finger against my lips, "talk in the morning, sleep now."

Sighing, I laid down in the grass, and was surprised as Louis straddled my waist, and laid his own head against my chest. Wrapping my arms around him, I buried my nose in his feathery hair, inhaling his sweet scent deeply.

"Will you be hear when I wake up?" I asked, but my voice sounded weird, as if I was speaking through cotton.

"If that's what you want..." Louis trailed off, eyes closed.

"That's what I want," I murmured sleepily.

"Then I'll stay," Louis agreed. "Go to sleep."

Without answering verbally, I closed my eyes, and let the darkness surround me once again.

I woke up the next morning confused as to where I am. However, as I became more and more awake, I noticed that I definitely wasn't in my room, but in the garden instead.

When I tried sitting up, there was a weight on my chest, and when I looked down I was met with the beautiful sight of Louis' just barely open eyes gazing at me, total bliss was written all over his face. His hair was slightly messy, but it still looked good on him, especially with small white petals scattered through out the strands.

"Good morning Harry," Louis grinned.

I frowned, "mornin'. How did I get here?"

"I missed you a lot yesterday, and it made both of us sad so I asked you to come here and you did." Louis answered, laying his head back on my chest.

"How did you know I was upset?" I asked, then added playfully, "were you stalking me?"

"No I wasn't stalking you," Louis giggled. "We feel the same thing at the same time because our souls are connected . When I'm sad, so are you."

I thought a bit, "that's not the first time you've said that. What do you mean by our souls being connected?"

Louis seemed hesitant before answering, "well it means that we can't help but be... drawn to each other, because our souls have connected, and always will be. There's more to it, but it's harder to explain in words."

"But how did our souls connect?" I asked, frustratedly.

"When we first met in this garden. This is the garden where souls connect, so this is where only our souls can connect. It doesn't matter whether or not we are dead or alive, because only our souls are needed in order to connect." He explained, humming as I gently carded my fingers through his hair.

"Oh," I murmured. "Do you ever visit Niall?"

"Only once, but I don't visit him anymore... not for the reason that you might think, though. I don't blame him at all for what happened that night. I just really scared him."

My fingers began to fiddle with a few strands of his hair, and before I knew what I was doing, I fashioned a small thin braid in his hair.

"Louis?" I asked quietly.

He hummed lightly, leaning into my fingers.

"What did happen on that day?" I asked.

Louis sighed, and I half expected him to not answer my question. However, he surprised me by softly answering. "It... it was my birthday, so Niall... Niall wanted to take me out. At first I hesitated, but he said that we'd be back before eleven, which was my curfew, so I gave in."

I nodded for him to go on as I finished off the braid.

"At first things went without a hitch, everything was perfect up until we got into the car. As you already know, we were being chased by Pit Bull. He- he bumped us and... we got hit. Then, well I died," his last sentence was no more than a whisper.

"I'm so sorry, Lou," I murmured, hugging him close to me.

"Don't apologize, Curly, it wasn't your fault. It wasn't anything that you could help."

I was quiet for a few moments before speaking again, and when I did it was a single word, "Curly?"

He blushed lightly, "yes, Curly. I've never seen anyone with real curly hair before, so I can't help but blurt out the name."

"Mm... as long as you don't call me Harold, I'm fine," I chuckled.

His nose cutely scrunched in disgust, "who calls you that?"

"My mum..." I trailed off as a thought suddenly entered my mind, and I quickly sat up, startling Louis from his relaxed state.

"What's wrong?" Louis asked worriedly.

"My Mum's probably freaking out, I need to go Lou."

Louis' blue eyes misted over with sadness, and my heart clenched uncomfortably, "will you come back?"

Without thinking, I lightly pecked his forehead, "always. But I'm not sure if I can come back today, I will do my best. If I can't, then I'll definitely come tomorrow."

His eyes were slightly wider, and a blush was prominent across his cheeks, "o-okay."

***

"Harold Edward Styles! Where the Hell were you!?" My Mum exploded at me the moment that I walked through the door.

Rolling my eyes, I wiped my muddy feet off on the door mat, having no shoes on, then I headed for the stairs, "out."

"Since when?! Where were you and why are you just now getting back!?"

"None of your business," I answered her, walking upstairs, slamming my bedroom door shut, behind me.

If I had stayed downstairs any longer, I knew that she would have asked me if I took my pills since she got me more yesterday while we were in Cheshire.

Sighing, I took my journal out, which had previously been under my pillow.

December 27, Entry 22

Yesterday, I skipped out on my journal entry since I went to Cheshire with Mum.

She got me more of my pills, I got to see Liam, and talk to dad's grave stone. It was a win- win situation I suppose.

Although, Louis was sad since I was gone, so I was sad as well.

As of yesterday, I have come to terms, and finally admitted to myself that I like Louis. I'm not gay so I'm probably pan-sexual since I haven't really been attracted to anyone but Louis... maybe I'm just Louis-sexual!

Louis explained to me what it means for our souls to be connected. It's basically a bond between our souls that can never can never be broken.

Not that I'm complaining about that.

You'll never guess what I did though!

I kissed Louis!

Well it was a sort of kiss, because it was on the forehead, and not on the lips, but it still counts!

He's just plain adorable, and all blush-y and giggle-y, so I really couldn't help myself.

Anyways, so that I can stop daydreaming about Louis, let me change the subject. I guess that I had managed to sleep walk all the way outside to the garden.

Last night, I held Louis in my arms and slept, and I got the best night of sleep for awhile, since I didn't have any nightmares, and slept the entire night.

Louis William Tomlinson may just be the 'remedy' for my so called depression.

I can't help but wonder what will happen with me when Louis does pass to the other side, or if he ever does.

After all, he is still a ghost, and all ghosts have to pass over eventually, but I can't even imagine my life without Louis. How can I survive when he does pass over?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AN: Hey, sorry that it's late, I came here later than I thought I would, but I hope that you still enjoyed the chapter


	14. Confessions

A month later I found myself sitting on a chair in Niall's room waiting for Zayn to show up. Niall was playing some game on his computer, and I was staring off into space, my only thoughts were of Louis.

Louis' giggle.

Louis and I's many sort of kisses.

Louis' hair.

Louis' smile.

Louis' smell.

Louis' flower crown.

Just anything and everything Louis filled my mind.

A computer- like voice startled me out of my thoughts, "a penny for your thoughts, Harry?" When I turned to face Niall, he was already staring at me intently, as if he hasn't moved from that position for the past ten minutes. But I already know that's not true.

"Is... was Louis gay?" I asked finally after a couple moments of silence.

Niall's brow furrowed, and he typed out his response, which to my disappointment was just another question.

"Have you seen him?" His piercing blue eyes studied my own, searching for an answer.

I nodded, "I have."

His blue eyes turned into a shade that resembled despair, and hurt before he typed back an answer, "I've only seen him once. I think he blames me for his death."

"No he doesn't!" I retaliated so quickly and fiercely that Niall flinched, not expecting my response, and I quickly cleared my throat. "I mean... he doesn't blame you at all. The only reason why he doesn't want you to see him is because he doesn't want to scare you. He doesn't want to be a reminder of what has happened."

Niall nodded his understanding, but left no more comments on the topic, instead he typed in one three lettered word that his computer repeated, his lips in a thin line.

"Yes."

"Yes to what?" I frowned slightly.

"Your first question; yes, Lou was gay... probably still is..."

That was the moment that Zayn chose to show up, opening the door to Niall's room without even knocking, not that I mind since it's not my room.

"Hey Niall," Zayn said, placing a small short peck to Niall's pale lips.

Niall offered him a slight grin that didn't quite reach his eyes, it was his way of saying 'hi' back. They stared into each others eyes for a few moments, as if they were reading each others' thoughts, before Zayn looked towards me.

"Hi Harry! Niall really needs to get some rest right now, so we can talk downstairs in the living room. I'll meet you down there, okay?" Zayn asked, already carefully lifting Niall from his computer chair, Niall wrapped his arms around Zayn's neck.

"Okay," I got up from my own chair, walking out of the room. As I turned to close the door, I saw Zayn laying Niall's body into his bed, Niall's eyes were fixed on a picture on his desk. A picture of a certain blue eyed brown haired boy named Louis.

***

"So, spill the beans. How's it been living in the Tomlinson's house?" Zayn asked when he came downstairs half an hour later.

"Pretty cool, though I don't spend a lot of time there..." I trailed off, wondering if Zayn would understand what I meant.

Zayn raised an eyebrow, "care to elaborate? Did you meet someone else, if you did I wanna hear all about them, and if they're good in bed and-"

"Well I met someone, but it's not really like that," I shrugged.

"What's their name?" Zayn's eyes grew excited, and I mildly wondered if he suddenly switched bodies with an excited chipmunk.

"Louis William Tomlinson..."

The moment those three names combined left my mouth, I instantly wanted to take them back from the way Zayn reacted. Louis is supposed to be for me and no one else needs to know.

His eyes widened, and for a moment I thought that he was going to pass out, "but... but he's..."

"I know, but we make it work. We're just friends," I shrugged.

"Can you guys touch each other and all that? Does he have weird ghostly powers? Does he still like flowers? Is he haunting the house? Oh my God is he here right now?!" Zayn looked around, "Louis are you there!? Sorry for calling you Lewis!"

"Zayn calm down. Yes, sort of, thank God yes, not really, and no he is not that I know of," I answered.

"What do you mean by not really? Does he haunt the garden? Is that why the people disappear when they go in there?" Zayn's eyes got super wide with interest, and I couldn't help but feel guilty, and slightly jealous that I was giving him this information.

"He doesn't haunt the garden... that's just where he prefers to be because I go there... I don't know why someone would disappear in there, because I still haven't." I shrugged.

"Why are you just telling me this now!?"

"SH!" I snapped a little louder than necessary, then cleared my throat, "Niall's still sleeping upstairs. Don't wanna wake him up."

Zayn hushed a bit, "of course not. Maybe there's something about you that allows you to go into the garden, but not anyone else."

I shrugged once again at the possibility, keeping quiet since I already knew why only Louis and I could go into the garden, but didn't want to tell him to prevent this conversation from going on any longer than needed.

"You need to take me into the garden. Maybe if we hold hands or something, then the both of us can go into the garden. Then if that works, we can bring Niall the next time." Zayn was already planning.

I shook my head no, "Zayn, I can't bring you there."

"Come one, just this time. What's the worse that can happen anyways? Please let me come and see it just once so that I can at least know that you're telling the truth." Zayn joked slightly, but there was truth behind his words.

My throat, and chest tightened in guilt, at my response. In a way, it felt like I was betraying Louis in some way, because that is our place for no one else, but I suppose that I can show Zayn, then bring Niall next time to see Louis.

"Fine." I managed to mumble just loud enough for Zayn to hear me.

The moment the word left my lips, I knew that this wasn't going to go well at all, and instantly regretted it.

***

January 26, Entry 52

I made a mistake by telling Zayn that I'd bring him to the garden.

It makes me mad that I can so easily succumb to peer pressure like that. If anyone deserves to go into the garden it would be Niall, and that's it.

Anyone other than Niall, Louis, or I are not allowed because the garden is supposed to be Louis and I's special place, and our place only.

When I saw Louis today, I couldn't help but feel guilty by my decision, and I think that he could tell I was hiding something, but he didn't question me on it.

Anyways, speaking of Louis... I asked Niall today, and apparently Louis was gay, and probably still is if I'm lucky. Though I wonder if Louis likes me back too.

My little crush developed further, and I can't believe I'm saying this, but I think that I am in love with Louis William Tomlinson.


	15. In Between

January 27, Entry 53

Today is the day that I'm supposed to bring Zayn to the garden, even though I really don't want to.

We agreed that we'll go after school, and after we visit Niall as well, which will probably put us at about five o' clock- ish.

I can't help but feel like I'm betraying Louis by doing this, but I guess that I'm not entirely betraying him. After all, Louis will get to meet Zayn, then see Niall afterwards if all goes well.

Well I guess that we'll see how this goes today.

I wish that I would have asked Louis if it's okay for me to bring Zayn to the garden, or at least told him that I'm going to. It wouldn't be right for me to just bring Zayn, someone he doesn't even know, into his garden.

Oh my God, Louis is probably going to flip out, and get mad at me.

Well, Louis isn't really one to get mad, just sad, very sad.

I just hope that he won't get mad about this.

"Mad about what Curly?" a soft voice asked me.

I nearly jumped out of my bed, slamming my journal shut I came up with a lie.

"Um, mad about me seeing Niall without telling you... in fact Zayn, Niall and I are going to hang out all day and into the evening, so I probably won't get to go to the garden today, but we'll see."

Louis slowly nodded from where he was sitting in front of me, legs crossed, "I wouldn't be mad at you for that, Curly. You do have a life outside of the garden and I."

'Not really', I was tempted to mumble, but instead I said, "thanks for understanding Lou Lou."

A slight blush made its way onto Louis' pale face, "your welcome, Curly. Now go get ready for school before your Mum gets mad at you."

"Yes, Second Mummy," I joked, getting out of bed.

Louis giggled, "Coraline, really Harry?" Coraline was one of the first movies Louis watched with me. He has a tendency to appear in my room at night, and ask randomly to watch a movie with me, no matter the time.

"Yes really, Lou Lou. Now go so that I can get changed."

Even though Louis grinned, I could see that it didn't reach his eyes. And that was when I knew that maybe I wasn't the only one hiding something, and maybe there is a possibility that Louis is hiding something from me as well.

***

"Oh my gosh, I can't wait to get there. This is going to be so sick," Zayn drilled on excitedly. "I brought a camera and everything for proof to show Perrie. I would have brought her too, but she didn't want to disappear to like her sister Caitlin."

"Wait what?" I frowned, slowing down my walking pace.

"Perry didn't want to come because of her sister-"

"No, that's not the first thing you said," I cut in. "You brought a camera!?"

Zayn rolled his eyes, "well duh, otherwise Perry wouldn't believe me at all without any proof."

"No, no cameras." I turned around and got in front of Zayn arms crossed, eyes narrowed, "give me the damn camera now or else I won't take you to the garden."

Confused, Zayn frowned, "but-"

A hot flash of anger went through me, and I yelled, "NOW!"

If someone were to pass by, they would have probably thought that I was mugging Zayn, and call the cops, but thank goodness that wasn't the case, as no one was around.

Silently, Zayn opened up his bag, and handed me his small video camera with shaking hands. Placing the camera in my large pocket, I continued walking, and Zayn followed next to me.

Even though I felt guilty for yelling, I didn't apologize.

As we continued walking, not a single word was exchanged between us.

***

When we walked up to the rusted gates, and nearly rubbled walls I felt a sense of anticipation flowed through me, and even though Zayn is here, I was elated to finally be with my Louis once again.

I looked over to Zayn, only to see him staring at the scarily empty and thin trees, and the dead plants and kudzu growing up the trees as if it was strangling them.

His eyes held a deep sense of dread, and I silently hoped that he would want to turn back, however that wasn't the case either as he stepped forward.

"Well come on. Let's get going I really want to see this." Zayn spoke the first words between us, and I shrugged.

"Okay, fine. You can hold my hand if you want to," I mumbled. Even if I didn't want him to be here, it was still my responsibility to make sure he doesn't disappear. Otherwise there would be a whole lot more problems than there already are.

Without hesitation, or words, Zayn awkwardly took held of my pale left hand, which greatly contrasted with the skin of his tanned right hand

Sighing, Zayn and I walked closer to the rusted gate, and I opened the creaking gate. Zayn and I both took a step over the threshold, without a moment's hesitation.

A roller coaster of feelings assaulted me, only this time the feeling of pain and dreariness were stronger, and overrode the euphoric feeling.

When I opened my eyes, my chest clenched in an uncomfortable way. Using my left hand, I grabbed my chest. As I did, the pressure soon left my chest, and I sighed in relief. Only then was when I realized that my left hand was empty, no longer filled with Zayn's right one.

"Shit," I cursed quietly, and did a full three sixty, but I didn't see my dark eyed friend anywhere.

To my left there was a bush that shook slightly, however instead of seeing Zayn, I saw Louis, and his excited blue eyes.

"So you could come, Curly," Louis flashed me a big grin that showed all of his teeth, but I didn't pay attention to how tired it was, or how his face seemed just a bit paler than this morning, or the fact that his cheeks had subtly became slightly more hollowed. A new flower crown was in his hands.

With frantic eyes, I continued looking around for Zayn, ignoring Louis' statement. No matter how much I looked, I couldn't find him, and I laced a frustrated hand into my hair, pulling slightly.

"Harry, what's wrong?" Louis' smile dropped immediately.

"He's gone." I sighed, dropping my hand from my hair. "Oh my God he's gone."

Louis frowned, the flowers in his flower crown seemed a bit duller than they were this morning. "Who?"

"Zayn, I tried to bring him here, because he wanted to come here to badly, and now he's not here." I tried explaining, hoping that I made actual sense.

"Harry, I explained to you already, only our souls can connect here. Meaning that only we can come here, and no one else," Louis said softly. Walking up to me, Louis gently placed the flower crown he had been holding, on top of my head, having to stand his tiptoes.

He placed a reassuring peck against my forehead.

"But then where is he?" I asked.

Louis answered quietly, and hesitantly. "His soul isn't in a definite place, it is stuck in between."


	16. Three Petals

"In between? What is that supposed to mean?" I asked, slightly frantic, "are we able to even get him back!?"

"Curly, you need to calm down, okay? I'll answer your questions, but I just need you to stop freaking out and breathe with me, okay?" Louis said calmly, lightly taking both of my hands in his small ones. He took a deep breath in, held it for a couple of seconds, then exhaled slowly.

Listening to him, I took a deep breath, and mimicked his breathing. We copied that actions a few more times before we stopped.

"There, now to answer your questions. For him to be stuck in between means that his soul can't come into the garden, because only our souls are meant to connect here, and no one else. That means that he can't even step over the threshold. So, he is stuck in between here and... his regular... life. But we can get him back. In fact, it's very easy to do."

"Then can we go get him back now?" I asked, sighing in relief.

Louis nodded, "of course we can, just make sure you don't touch anyone except for me or else you'll be stuck there, and won't be able to ever get out. Do you understand?"

"Yes, I do," I nodded.

"Okay then hold my hand and we'll be on our way." Louis held out his much smaller hand and I grabbed it. "Hold on, it will feel very weird at first and it might even hurt, but just hold tight on to me, and it will be okay. Remember to breathe."

Nodding, I tightened my grip on his hand.

He lead me to the river, and didn't hesitate before stepping inside the water barefoot, the water was only up to his ankles so far, I followed him once I took my own shoes off, the cool water lapped at my feet.

"Just remember to breathe and don't let go, okay?"

"Okay," I mumbled, taking deep breaths in and out. There was a tug on my arm, and there was a loud splash as Louis fell back into the water, pulling me with him.

Panicking, I tightened my grip on Louis' hand, and held my breath and opened my eyes. Louis was calmly staring back at me, his hair was a dark floating halo above his head. He is breathing just fine, even though we were underwater. Maybe it's just a ghost thing.

Louis opened his mouth, and large are bubbles dispersed into the water, "breathe, Harry... just... trust me..." His voice came out far away and echo-y.

As I sighed, bubbles formed in the water, and I breathed in. I expected to gather a mouthful of water, but instead there was air. Louis giggled, and it echoed. "Close your... eyes..."

I closed my eyes, holding on tighter to Louis' hand. Even though I was afraid of hurting him, I knew that it didn't hurt him.

Darkness surrounded me, and the only way I knew that Louis was still there was from the way his small fingers dug into my hand, reassuring me. There was a bright light, and I was tempted to peek, and see what was happening, but I kept my eyes closed.

Something poked my shoulder, and I opened my eyes to see Louis grinning back at me.

"We're here, Curly."

I looked around us, and I felt very lightheaded, and just light in general. "Wow," was all that I could say. There were two portals, one behind us which was bright, and it gave off a light that gradually got darker as it got closer to the second portal. The second portal was darker, and there were a lot of people's souls floating in between.

"See those souls that are closer to the brighter portal? They're the ones trying to get into the... mortal life. And the souls closer to the darker portal are those trying to get out. Zayn will be closer to the darker portal. Don't let go of my hand or else you'll be stuck in between too, and I won't be able to get you out." Louis explained, walking towards the darker portal.

"But why can't they just go into the right portals themselves?" I asked, confused.

He shook his head, "it doesn't work that way. Only souls who have a meaning to pass through the portals can. These souls don't, so they're just... stuck."

Without answering, I followed him, starting to understand the severity of what was happening.

"So we can't save them all?" I asked as people's souls cried out around us, asking for help, watching us.

Louis shook his head, "it would be impossible."

I nodded. As we continued walking we became more and more transparent, I was freaking out, but Louis was completely calm. "Is this normal?"

"Completely," he answered. "Happens to me all the time. That's why you can't touch me outside of the garden."

"That makes sense," I mumbled.

When we were nearly all the way transparent, I spotted Zayn sitting cross legged and not alone. A small girl with a pale yellow dress and pigtails was sitting in his lap, and they were talking.

"There he is!" I pointed to Zayn, relieved that he was still okay.

Louis tiredly grinned, leading me to where Zayn was sitting. Zayn looked up, his eyes were slightly darker, but happy. "Hey Harry, I found Caitlin."

The small girl waved slightly from where she was perched in Zayn's lap.

"Hello there Caitlin. Do you want to see your family again?" Louis asked softly.

"Yes please, mister," Caitlin said shyly. "I miss them a lot, especially Perrie."

Grinning slightly, Louis nodded, "don't worry hon, you're going to see her really soon. Just listen to me okay?"

Caitlin nodded while Zayn watched in clear amazement.

"L-Louis Tomlinson?" Zayn stuttered, which was something I've never heard Zayn do.

Louis looked into Zayn's eyes, "That's my name. Though I prefer you call me Louis. You must be Zayn."

Zayn nodded, and stood up.

"Okay, now I really need you to listen to me. Zayn hold my hand, and don't let go of Caitlin ever." Louis said, "you won't remember that this happened, but Harry will. You two aren't allowed in the garden, it is forbidden, and if you try to go into the garden again you'll end up here, and I won't be able to get you back out again."

Caitlin nodded, "yes mister."

Louis held out his other hand to Zayn, and he took it, holding on tightly to Caitlin. As if he had done it before, Louis guided them to the darker portal, and led all of us through.

Zayn, Caitlin, and I were the only ones there, and I felt heavier, so much heavier that I felt as if gravity was trying to pull me closer to the ground, beckoning me to just lay there.

As we stood outside the garden, I looked around for Louis, but he wasn't there, only the closed gate that leads to the garden.

***

January 28, Entry 54

Today was very interesting.

Apparently, only Louis and I's souls are allowed to go to the garden, literally.

I tried to bring Zayn into the garden, but he ended up getting stuck in between, which is basically these two portals one that leads to the mortal life, and another is for the... not so mortals like Louis since he's already dead. Well actually... technically he's not immortal then.

All of this is so bizarre and weird, and Louis and I can breathe in the river that's in the garden!

He told me to trust him, and I did the entire time, and see I'm still alive!

Anyways, Louis got Caitlin and Zayn unstuck from the in between place and sort of just dumped us outside of the garden's gates, not that I mind much.

I still have Zayn's camera, but I don't plan on giving it back just yet, because otherwise he'd probably get mad at me for having it in the first place.

There are a few pictures of him and Niall and Perrie on it, but that's about it, he has plenty more on his phone, believe me.

Caitlin and Zayn won't be able to remember getting stuck in between, but I can.

Something really weird happened tonight too. I still have the flower crown that Louis gave me on his birthday, December 24. Of course I still have it, but I don't wear it unless if I'm in my own solitary confides of my room.

But anyways, it was weird, because three flower petals fell off of each flower in the crown.

I hope that it's not bad, and that Louis is okay.


	17. The Past

The next week that I walked into the garden, there was such an overwhelming sense of despair, and tiredness that it was nearly painful. Euphoria was long forgotten, not even present.

Frowning, I kneeled down to pick out a flower, and six of its droopy petals fell to the ground, but I ignored the six blue petals that laid in the grass. Instead, I focused on studying the flower as if it held the answer to all of my questions.

However, my concentration on the flower was broken as Louis appeared out of nowhere, sitting criss crossed in front of me.

His face didn't look as happy as it could have been, and I knew that something was wrong, because Louis has never looked this upset. This past week, it seems as if he hasn't been truly happy, and I can't help but wonder if it was because of me, and the stupid Zayn incident.

"Hey Curly," he sighed, making an effort to grin slightly.

"Hey Lou. Are you okay?" I asked.

Louis' blue eyes turned a shade darker in sadness, "I could feel better. I just need to talk to you."

My heart skipped a beat, because that could mean so many things right now. "About what?" I couldn't help how my voice raised an octave, and cleared my throat.

"It's nothing important. I'm just homesick," Louis explained, assuring me.

"Oh," I nodded absentmindedly. "I can help you with that." I patted my lap lightly, and he took a hint, laying his head in my lap.

Louis' blue eyes fluttered shut as I began to continually run my fingertips through his brown feathery hair. He hummed in approval as my fingers began to lightly massage his scalp.

"So are you ready?" he asked, turning his face into my thigh, nuzzling slightly.

"Yeah, go ahead, Lou." I murmured.

Clearing his throat, Louis began. "Well um I have three 'homes', or at least that's what I call it. None of them are the actual house that you're living in right now. My first home was the garden, always this garden, because it has always been here for me. My second home is you, because you make me feel like I'm here for a reason, and when we are apart, I find myself already desperate for your next visit. My third home is my family, even though they couldn't help me much, because I still love them no matter what."

I nodded, even if he couldn't see me, because I knew that he needed the encouragement. I stroked his hair, as if it would send him the mental message.

"When I died, it's almost like my family did too, because I never see them, and they moved out the moment I died. Harry..." his voice trailed off. "I don't even know where they are or if they're missing me at all, or even if they came to my burial, or if they visit my grave from time to time. It's the not knowing that's worse. If I knew, then at least I would know, and that matter would be settled but... I don't know."

Louis was silent for a few moments before I broke the silence.

"Tell me about them."

A small grin made his way onto his face, "my mum was a very loving woman, and didn't deserve the Hell that her ex had put her through. After I was born, he left me and my mum alone, and I never did see him again. I'm not sure if he knows that I'm dead. My mum remarried, and I consider him my dad because he was there for me when my real dad couldn't be. All my sisters are my half sisters, but I love them as if they were my full sisters."

"How many sisters do you have?" I asked, curious.

"Four that I knew of, and they were all younger than me, so I took the best care of them as I could. Charlotte came first, but we never called her that, we would call her Lottie all the time, because it was so much easier, and she didn't like the name Charlotte anyways because it sounded too posh for her. She really liked animals, and forced mum to buy her a pet cat, whom she named Patty Kat. I found the name weird and called her Tigger instead, because she looked like one." He smiled fondly.

I chuckled, "I don't even want to know what she would name her kids. Who was after Lottie then?"

"After Lottie, there was Félicité, but everyone called her Fizzy, because she copied Lottie, and thought her name was too posh too. Mum was already calling her Fizzy, because when Mum was pregnant with her, Fizzy would always get hiccups, and it would feel all fizzy for her, like bubbles were popping in her tummy. Fizzy was never upset, it was almost like the emotion wasn't in her genes at all. But anyways, she would always know how to make someone smile when they were upset, including me. I miss that a lot about her."

"She sounds like a very awesome person. You must miss her a lot."

"I miss them all a lot, especially Fizz. Next were the twins, Daisy and Phoebe. Mum learned her lesson on giving her daughters posh sounding names," Louis chuckling. "Last time I saw them they were about three, and they were the best. They were always getting each other into trouble, but they still loved each other. When the other would get in trouble on their own, the other would bail them out. One time Phoebe accidentally broke mum's favorite vase, but Daisy took the blame for it instead. They loved flowers, and I would teach them how to make flower crowns, and they were so excited that they knew how to make them, that they made flower crowns for everybody. So thoughtful of others."

I hummed, "sounds like you love and miss them a lot."

Louis nodded, "I really do. So how about you tell me about your family."

"There's not that much to say about my family," I shrugged. "My dad died when I was ten, because he got into a car crash, and his lung was punctured as a result. There was some internal bleeding too, but the punctured lung was what killed him. I miss him so much sometimes, but others I don't really because I know that he's happier wherever he is right now. My mum and dad were on the process of getting a divorce at the time, so it worked out for my mum, even if she did cry some. I was 'diagnosed' with severe depression and had to take pills that don't even help me."

Nuzzling his face into my thigh, he apologized, "I'm so sorry that happened to you, Curly. Do you have any siblings?"

"Had an older sister, but apparently she fell out of a tree and died when I was younger, so I didn't even remember her. Mum didn't tell me about her until I had a dream about Gemma's death." I answered bitterly.

"I'm sorry for your loss. Her name was Gemma, right? Do you remember anything about her at all?"

"Only a bit," I answered. "I would braid her hair all the time, sometimes without even realizing it. One time she had cut her own hair, and I freaked out because I couldn't braid it anymore."

Louis giggled, "aw, so is that why you like to randomly braid my hair?"

My cheeks burned from embarrassment as I noticed that I had already made two small braids without even knowing. "Yeah. I don't do it intentionally either. It's just a horrible habit."

"Don't worry, I don't mind it either, it's kind of cute, actually," Louis admitted.

"Well you are really cute all the time actually," I chuckled.

A blush rose to his cheeks, and he grinned, but there was something more behind it that seemed almost sad, "thank you Curly."

***

February 4, Entry 61

Louis told me a lot about his life, and I told him a lot about mine.

The secret's out now, I suppose.

My dad died in a car crash, and that was it, nothing more. I didn't even get to tell him bye, because my mum had just kicked him out, so my dad took his car and left.

I can't help but hate my mum, even if it isn't entirely her fault.

To be honest, I wouldn't care if my parents were divorced, just as long as I got to see both of them, preferably my dad more. But now I can never see him living again.

Louis has four sisters, all younger than him, but all of them love him. I wish that they could visit him somehow so that Louis wouldn't be so sad anymore.

Today when I left the garden, though, Louis seemed less upset, and more joyful.

Louis said that I'm his home, well at least one third of it, but it means a lot, because he chose me instead of someone else. He even chose me over Niall.

Even if Louis seems better, though, not everything is better.

My flower crown shed even more flower petals, twice as many to be exact.

Six more petals fell from each flower in my flower crown, and I can't help but wonder if Louis' okay, and if this means something.

I hope that nothing happens with Louis, because he's the only that can truly make me happy, make me smile.

I love him so much that it's unbelievable, I just wish that I could somehow tell him.

I wish that this was all so much easier.


	18. He's Gone

The next day that I went into the garden, I was finally happy, however Louis contrasted me greatly. Louis had dark circles under his usually vibrant blue eyes. However, today he was more paler than usual, and his hair was in disarray. His face held what seemed like a permanent sad look.

"Lou are you okay?" I asked as I approached him.

He nodded, immediately wrapping his small frail arms around my torso, burying his head into my chest. Inhaling deeply, he whimpered slightly.

Frowning I wrapped an arm around him while the other one went to his hair, massaged his scalp.

"Louis, come on and talk to me," I murmured, burying my nose into his hair that was lacking his usual flower crown, but not lacking in flower petals.

When his finally spoke after a few moments, his voice came out high and choked, as if he was holding back his tears. "Thank you for yesterday. I- I really needed that, so thank you. Thank you so much for ev-rything," Louis started to babble.

"Your welcome, but you don't need to thank me. All I did was listen, you needed to talk to someone, and I was there." I said, confused.

"And you always are for me, H-Harry I do-n't want you to go," Louis hiccuped out a small sob, and I held him tighter.

"Lou, calm down. Please calm down and tell me what's wrong." I said calmly, even though on the inside I was seriously freaking out on the inside. "I am not going to leave you ever. Not even if you wanted me to, Lou. What makes you think any different."

"You don't understand, Harry!" Louis suddenly exploded pulled away from my chest, "I'm the one who has to leave you behind!"

I froze in my place, "but why?"

Louis harshly bit into his bottom lip, and turned away from me, only to sit on the grass, which looked a lot more brown than green now. Plucking a blade of the brown grass from the ground, I watched as it turned into dust right in the palm of his hands. His shoulders shook with silent sobs, and he buried his head into his hands.

Shushing him, I kneeled in front of him, asking him slowly, "Louis what's wrong with the garden?"

"It's dying," Louis whimpered, emerging from his hands.

"Why?" I whispered, not able to speak any louder.

"Because I keep bringing you here," Louis' voice cracked.

I sighed, and guilt coursed through me, "Louis, why do you need to leave, though?"

"Because, when the garden goes I go." Louis whispered, "but I can't let you go, because I've grown so attached to you and I... I... I think that I love you."

"Lou," I whispered, cupping his chin in my large hand, and thumbed away a tear that trailed down his cheek. "I'm staying right here with you until the very end, I don't care about my mum, or anyone else, not even my own self. I only care about you, because I love you too."

Sniffling, Louis closed his eyes, his eyelashes that were darkly spiked from his tears just barely kissed his cheeks, and Louis leaned into my touch.

"Everything is going to be okay," I whispered pulling my hand away from his cheek only to pull him into my lap.

"You can't promise that," Louis murmured, his teary eyes looked into my own eyes.

I shook my head, "no I can't, I can only promise to do what I can, and be here for you, and to never stop loving you."

"Me too," Louis whispered, closing the distance between us, and I leaned my forehead against his.

Without exchanging anymore words, I cupped his chin and leaned in just a bit further to press our lips together in a bittersweet kiss. In that moment, with Louis' arms wrapped around my neck, and our lips to each others', it was perfect.

I just wish that we could stay like this forever, however I knew that wasn't the case, no matter what I want.

***

True to my word, I stayed with Louis the entire day.

We didn't do much, just basking in each others company, and exchanging small bittersweet kisses, we didn't even talk. No words were needed, just each other.

Louis hummed slightly when I kissed his neck, nibbling there slightly.

"Please," Louis' small voice shakily spoke as I trailed kisses across his protruding collarbones.

"You sure?" I murmured against his pale skin, already knowing what he was asking for.

He nodded, no other words came out of his mouth. I felt his small hands run carefully through my curls. Hiking up his shirt so that it was higher underneath his armpits, I laid him gently on a flowerbed.

"Would this be your first time?" I asked quietly, trailing kisses across his stomach that has a bit of pudge, which stuck out slightly, and adorably.

"Y-es, but you don't need to prep me, because I can't feel any physical pain," Louis said, eyes fluttering shut as I sucked a mark next to his bellybutton.

"So ghosts don't feel any pain?" I asked, eyebrows furrowed.

Just as I said that, he flinched. "I p-prefer the term spirit, not ghost. Ghost is almost derogatory to me, in fact i-it is."

"Sorry," I apologized, pecking his forehead.

"It's okay," he said softly.

(This is where the smut starts Readers Beware!!!)

Soon enough both of our clothes were on the ground beside us. Louis' body is beautifully curved in all the right places, while slightly red in the face, his eyes were fixated on a flower that was near his head.

"You're beautiful," I whispered, spreading his legs more to make space for me. I glanced down at his entrance before adding, "very beautiful." As I pressed the very tip of my thumb slightly into Louis' hole, Louis gasped out of pleasure, his eyes clenching shut.

"I'm nothing c-compared t-to you," Louis countered.

I shook my head, "not true, love. You are beautiful on the inside and the out, Louis. I love your giggle. I love how you blush whenever I call you beautiful, because you don't believe me, even though it's the truth. I love your smile, and how you're nearly always happy. I love how you always manage to smell like flowers. I love your creativity, and your flower crowns that show that. I love your hair, and how I can just reach up and braid it whenever I want, and you let me. I love your passion for the garden. Whenever you love, you do it with your full heart. I love that you stay true to who you are... even after death."

Louis gave me a watery grin, and sniffled before nodding slightly, "I believe you."

"Good," I pressed my lips to his, and Louis passionately kissed back, grinding up against my hardening member. Arousal coursed through my veins, and I placed my hands on his hips.

Moaning, I began to grind my cock against his entrance, and Louis whimpered slightly. Though I'm guessing that it was in pleasure, instead of pain.

His arms wrapped around my neck to pull me closer to him, running his fingertips through my hair. When he nodded slightly, it was his way of telling me that he was ready.

Fingers clenched in my hair as I slowly entered the tip of my member into him. "It's okay Lou. I know that it may feel a bit weird, but you're okay. I won't go any further until you're ready."

Without hesitation, Louis nodded, cheeks tinted with a beautiful red color.

"M'kay," I mumbled, slowly sinking halfway into him, and I think that he was taking this so much more better than I was. All around half of my member, Louis' walls clenched tightly around me, which made me want to enter the rest of the way in him, and just pound him into the ground, but Louis probably wouldn't appreciate that.

Eyes clenched tightly shut, Louis nodded once more, then I was all the way inside him, balls flush against his bum.

Moaning, I hissed out a quiet curse from the intense pleasure, before murmuring near Louis' ear, "y-you ok-ay?"

Louis nodded whimpering out, "so g-good.... so f-full."

"You-'re s-so good, b-baby. So g-good," I managed to stammer out.

"M-move, pl-ease Harry," Louis asked, relaxing in my arms. Listening, I slowly pulled out halfway, and Louis cried out as I rocked back into his warmth.

"Okay b-babe?" I asked through gritted teeth.

"Right th-there again, Harry. F-faster p-please." Louis begged, wrapping his legs around my waist in attempts to get me deeper inside.

Grinning slightly, I complied, speeding up my pace, and adjusting so that I would always press against Louis' prostate.

After many minutes filled with moaning, panting, and whimpering, Louis came with a cry of my name on his lips, and I followed soon after.

(Horrible, horrible smut is over)

Our breaths eventually evened out, and I hugged him tightly to my body. "I love you Lou," I slurred slightly in my sleepy haze.

He smiled sadly, placing a small peck on my lips, "I love you too Curly. Go to sleep, Harry. There will be plenty of time to talk later on, trust me."

"M'Kay," I hummed, looking into his blue eyes staring up at mine before falling asleep.

***

I woke later that night alone and naked, my clothes were neatly folded underneath a dead tree. Shivering slightly from the cold, I got up and put my clothes on.

though I put on my shirt backwards, I didn't care. Next to my clothes laid what looked like a dead flower crown.

"Louis!" I shouted continuously, cupping my hands around my mouth. However, I got no response.

Frowning, I began to notice that the garden was no longer bright, and I felt heavy and weighed down to the ground. My body felt so empty, and there was no warmth that Louis usually brought.

There were no more flowers, in their place grew large weeds. The grass was brown instead of just barely green.

The trees were tall, skinny, and dead.

The garden was no longer alive, which also means that neither is my Louis' spirit.

Tears sprung to my eyes the moment I realized this, and I leaned against a dark tree. I didn't care about the tears that slid down my cheeks, because it wasn't fair that I only got to be with my Louis for such a short amount of time.

The moment I walked out the garden, it creaked closed shut behind me, and there was a click as it locked itself.

I guess it was Louis' way of telling me that there is no need for me to go into the garden anymore since he's no longer there.

***

February 5, Entry 62

He's gone.


	19. How Can I Live Without You Now That You're Gone?

Louis left yesterday, and I still haven't gotten out of bed since then, even though I've been having this weird tugging feeling in my heart, as if I was supposed to go somewhere.

I would if I could gather the energy to just get out of bed right now, but I can't.

Even though it's a school day, mum hasn't come to get me up yet, so I assume that she really doesn't care whether or not I get up at all today.

There's no reason for me to anyways.

There might be Zayn and Niall, but there's no more Louis.

My phone vibrated as someone texted me, and I picked it up to see a text from Niall.

'Meet me in the cemetery at 12.' I read.

'Okay.' Just by agreeing, I had slightly more energy, because at least now I know what I'm supposed to do, where I'm supposed to go.

Sighing I got up, but when I did, I felt so pulled down that I contemplating laying back down again. I wish that I could go back into the garden, and have that float-y peaceful feeling again, but I know that I can't, because Louis won't be there.

There's no point in going into the garden, and being alone.

Now I'm starting to understand just how Louis felt before I walked into his life... or lacking there of anyways.

***

"Hey Niall," I managed to say around a yawn.

Niall nodded, and wrote something down before showing me. 'Did you sleep at all last night?'

My thought process faltered as thoughts from last night flitted across my memory.

Louis whimpering.

Louis crying.

Louis moaning.

Louis writhing in pleasure beneath me.

Louis gone when I wake up.

Niall tapped my arm, and I shook my head, "I did sleep, I just I didn't sleep enough."

He didn't answer, and instead motioned for me to open the cemetery gates for him. Listening to him, I opened the black gate, and held it open for Niall as he wheeled his wheelchair inside. Once he did, I closed the gate behind the both of us.

I followed Niall as he sadly made his way through the gravestones, a determined look on his face.

We came up to a gravestone that was father away from everyone elses', and it was near a tree, but it was alone, no flowers surrounded it.

Tracing the words with my fingers, I read them out loud. "Louis William Tomlinson. Born December 24, 1991. Died December 24, 2006. You will be missed dearly, but know that you will always be loved."

A shaky sigh passed my lips, and I carefully rubbed my fingertips across the top of the stone, whispering, "my Lou... why did you have to go when you knew that I love you?" My voice rose an octave higher, and I could feel the pressure of tears building behind my eyes.

Niall placed a hand on my back, and lightly tugged on my shirt.

When I looked back at Niall only to find him pointing at the gravestone, I looked back at Louis' stone, but this time it had started glowing.

There was a blinding light, and I quickly shielded my eyes against the light.

When I opened my eyes I saw Louis' transparent form sitting gracefully on top of his gravestone, legs crossed daintily. There weren't any bags underneath his eyes anymore, and his blue eyes were no longer sad. His hair was just as long and feathery as it was before. His skin wasn't pale like it was before. He is beautiful, and I wanted to touch him so badly, but I was glued to my spot.

"Hey Curly."

"L-Louis?" I whispered.

"I'm really sorry about last night. I didn't want you to wake up alone... I didn't want to leave before saying goodbye. So, now I'm here, and I still love you." His smile was bittersweet.

"Why do you have to go?" I took a step closer to him arm outstretched, my voice was deeper.

He swiftly got down from the stone, and took a sad step back. "Don't come any closer please. I... you can't touch me anymore."

Dropping my hand by my side, I sighed and took a step back so that I was back next to Niall again, "sorry Lou. It's just... I miss you so much."

Louis nodded, sitting back on his gravestone, "I miss you too, Curly. I miss you both." On the second sentence he rose his voice a bit, and looked at Niall.

Niall had his hand clasped over his mouth, and tears were trailing down his cheeks.

"Please don't cry Ni. I love you too. You were my best, and only friend. I miss you too, and I didn't want to see you, and to make you sad like this. I like you so much better when you're happy, because when you smile, so does everyone else. Can you show me that smile now? I wanna remember you smiling, not crying."

Wiping away his tears and sniffling, Niall nodded, and smiled slightly.

"There you go. I don't have much time, and I have to go soon. But I love you Curly, and I love you too Ni. Ni, I just don't love you the same way that I love Curly, but that doesn't mean that I love you any less, understand?"

Niall nodded again.

"Good, now Curly, I'll be seeing you soon, and this is just goodbye until we meet again."

I nodded, sniffling a bit, "okay. I love you too, Lou."

He grinned slightly, "bye Niall. Stay with Zayn, okay? He'll protect you no matter what, even when he does hurt you, he doesn't mean it, I promise."

Niall nodded, smiling just a bit wider.

Louis didn't speak another word, and instead continued to stare into my eyes as he slowly disappeared.

I knew that would be my last time seeing him on Earth, other than in my dreams.

***

February 7, Entry 64

It's been two days since Louis and I's last day in the garden, and I think that I've made up my mind on what I'm going to do now.

Today when I said bye to Zayn, and it sounded a little too permanent, he asked if everything was fine, and I lied and said that it was.

When I said bye to Niall, he told me to do what I have to do, and that is exactly what I am going to do.

Mum scheduled an appointment with Liam for tomorrow, so I should wait to carry out my plan until tomorrow.

I don't know how Niall does it, living without Louis.

It's so hard, and life sucks, and I hate living now, even more so.

My reason for living was Louis, but he's gone now.

I should've said 'I love you' sooner.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AN: Don't hate me just yet! There's still more! Uhm also, I'm going to go camping for two weeks starting on Friday, so this might be my last update until then, but we'll see.


	20. I'm Gone

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning! This could be triggering!

Warning! This can be triggering!

"Your mum has been worried about you, would you like to tell me why?" Liam inquired me the next day, his usual notebook and pen in his hand.

"Because I won't get out of bed unless if I need to," I answered him bluntly.

Liam nodded, "is there any reason why you're doing this?"

"I lost Louis," I said quietly, voice going an octave higher, and I stared at the ceiling to avoid looking at Liam.

"I'm sorry. Have you gone to school since he left you?"

I shook my head, "no reason to. Liam, I don't even get out of the bed to piss or take a crap, excuse my french, but its the bloody truth."

"You may often feel this way, but it's just your depression taking over your mind. When that happens, you take your pills, and write in that journal. Have you been writing in your journal?"

I nodded, "everyday, except for that last time that I came here."

"That is good," Liam nodded, writing something down, and I knew what he was going to say next. "Have you been taking your pills?"

"No." I answered truthfully.

"Okay, this could be an effect of you not taking them, then."

I clenched and unclenched my fists, "no, Liam. It's an effect of me losing Louis. Without Louis, I have no reason to live anymore, because I'm alone."

"What about your Mum? Don't you want to live for her, to protect her?"

When I answered Liam, I looked him straight in the eyes, and two words came out of my mouth, "not anymore."

Liam's hand faltered as he wrote something down.

***

"I think that I'll be seeing you soon too Daddy," I whispered simply, kissing the rough cool stone. "I can't wait."

***

"Harry, Liam told me about what you told him today." My mum murmured to me, smoothing back my curls.

"Your point is?" I said coldly.

"Did you really mean it?" she whispered. I chose to ignore her, turning my head away from her.

"Baby please don't do this to me," she whispered, I could hear her voice change, knowing that she was about to cry.

Turning my entire body away from her, I stared at the wall opposing me instead.

"Who's Louis? Is he a friend from school?"

Something in me snapped as I heard Louis' name come out of her mouth, and I saw blue eyes, brown hair, heard his giggle.

"Get out," I seethed.

"Excuse me?" My Mum asked, probably not hearing me.

"GET OUT GET OUT GET OUT! DON'T TALK ABOUT LOUIS! GET OUT RIGHT NOW!"

I felt her light touch at my back, but couldn't help but think of Louis' gentle and hesitant touch, and I screamed even louder. "DON'T TOUCH ME AND GET OUT! JUST GET THE FUCK OUT RIGHT NOW!"

Even after I heard my door close, I continued screaming into my pillow, my hands over my ears.

***

I felt a warm gentle hand against my cheek, and I felt a pair of familiar lips being placed on my forehead.

Opening my eyes, I expected to be met with my Mum's eyes, but instead Blue eyes clashed with green, and I gasped.

"Louis," I sat up quickly.

He grinned, "hey Curly. I miss you a lot."

Wrapping my arms around his small waist, I brought him closer to me, and crushed my lips against his. Just as I sucked his bottom lip into my mouth, he pushed lightly on my chest and pulled away.

"I miss you a lot too, Louis."

"I can tell," Louis whispered sadly. "I can see you all the time you know."

"Lou, it's so hard without you." I said quietly.

"Then come join me," he answered without hesitation, and he began to become more and more transparent. I quickly took hold of his small hand, hoping that somehow he would either stay, or take me with him.

However that was not so as he disappeared, and the joke was on me when I was the one who woke up alone with him.

Pushing the covers violently off of me, I could hear different voices swirl inside my head.

My Mum was asking me 'have you been taking your pills?'

Liam was asking me, 'have you been taking your pills?'

Niall was telling me, 'do what you have to do.'

Zayn asking, 'are you sure you're okay?'

Louis was telling me, 'come join me.'

And as I grabbed my bottle of pills, his voice was the one that I heard above all the rest.

Revealing my journal and pen from underneath my pillow, I began writing furiously.

February 8, Entry 65

If all goes well, which it probably well, this will be my last entry ever.

I'm going to take my pills right now, all of them.

I can't take living like this, without Louis.

He was, and still is my everything.

That's why it hurt so much when he had to go, because he took my heart with him, but he forgot to take me.

I want to join him.

I need to join him.

There's no one else for me but Louis.

He's gone.

His blue eyes are gone.

His brown feathery hair is gone

His giggles are gone.

His singing is gone.

His garden is gone.

Everything is about him is gone now.

Even his flower crowns.

The one he gave me withered away into dust.

Now I just want to be gone with him. With Louis.

Sorry I couldn't make it past 65 entries, but you can't say that I didn't try.

Mum, I love you, but now I'm with my Louis, Gemma, and Dad.

I know that I won't regret my choice, because I'll be able to fit in, and I'll finally be surrounded by people who love and understand me.

I finally get peace, and love.

I never needed those damn pills, all that I needed was to be loved, and Louis gave me that.

He gave me what no one else ever could.

 

As I wrote my last words, I tilted my head back, and swallowed all the remaining of my pills.

I laid down, and closed my eyes, and I saw nothing but blue mixed with green.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AN: Don't hate me! I won't be able to update tomorrow, or for two weeks!


	21. Complete

When I opened my eyes again, I was no longer laying in bed, empty bottle of pills beside me. Instead, I was in another room, and I could hear people crying, but I could see nothing but darkness.

Unoriented, I felt float-y but trapped, as if I was a weighed down balloon filled with helium. When I tried to move, I couldn't, my limbs felt too heavy.

Sniffling, I took in a deep breath, and forced myself to focus on what was going on around me.

When I listened hard enough, I was able to hear my mum's voice, steady, yet filled with despair, and I did my best to listen harder to her words. "Harry... is my son and... I wish that... that I could have understood what he... was going through, but I don't. He was depressed... according to the doctors, that is, but to me... he was still perfect, so perfect. I felt so powerless... so I wanted to do anything that I could to help. The only way that seemed... legitimate was to make sure he'd always take his pills, and be there for him. I knew what he was going through... so I should have talked to him more-" she broke off in a round of sobs that sounded somewhat fake.

I refused to listen to her anymore since not even half of what she said was even true!

She only wanted me to take the damn pills, because she wanted me to be perfect just like Gemma. However, I couldn't be who she wanted me to be, even if I tried.

Let's face the facts here, nobody is perfect.

She thought that I could achieve the impossible, and be perfect, just if I took those pills, but boy was she wrong.

When I heard the familiar squeakng protest of wheels, and heavy footsteps, I knew immediately that it was Niall and Zayn.

Zayn started to talk lowly, voice filled with emotion, "I'm speaking on my boyfriend Niall's behalf since he isn't able to speak for himself." He nervously cleared his throat, and there was a rustle of paper before his voice continued, "Harry was, and still is an example of a strong person. He told me a bit of what he had to go through, and honestly I was shocked that he was still even to... function. However, there's only so much that one person can take. Harry reached his limit, but I can guarantee that he's in a happier place right now with people that he loves, and people who can return that love..."

His voice trailed off, and then suddenly I wasn't able to hear anything.

Complete silence surrounded me, as well as darkness, and once again I tried to move with very little avail. Sighing, I tried to refocus on what was happening, but I wasn't able to hear anything else.

Suddenly, there was a blinding light in the shape of a hand, and I felt lighter, and more mobile.

There were blue eyes that I knew so well accompanied the small hand that was reaching down towards me.

"L-Lou?" I stuttered slightly, not even sure if I was even able to fully talk.

He grinned slightly, adjusting his usual bright flower crown, "hi Curly. Everything is okay, alright? I know that it feels different, and weird, but you'll get used to it and it'll be better. Just listen to me okay?"

I nodded. "Okay, I can do that."

"Just take my hand, trust me, Harry. Please, just trust me."  
My eyebrows furrowed, and words came out of my mouth without me even having to think of them, "how do I know you won't leave me again?"

"You don't. That's why you just have to trust me on this one Curly," he smiled slightly, almost sadly.

Sighing, I reached out and took his waiting hand.

The moment our hands connected, there was a bright light, and the darkness around us disappeared. Then, slowly as my eyes adjusted to the light, a garden began to materialize around the two of us.  
My mouth was slightly agape as I looked around.

This garden was perfect, there was a waterfall that ran into a river, and a bunch of colorful exotic flowers that added color to the garden.

"Do you like it?" Louis asked somewhat shyly.

All I could muster was a small nod as a tall brown haired girl with brown eyes smiled softly down at me, "hey there Harry, well you shot right up, nearly taller than I am."

Speechless, I blinked, and lightly squeezed Louis' hand. "G-Gemma?"

"Well duh, I thought that we had already established that, little H."

A man that was slightly taller than Gemma walked out from behind a tree, he was someone that I knew all too well, and my eyes started to fill with tears. "Gemma, who are you pestering now? You know that- oh." He stopped talking once he saw me, and grinned widely.

"Harry, it is actually you right?"

I nodded, and looked towards Louis who was smiling almost as widely as my dad. "What is this place?"

"This place is home," he answered, leaning his weight against me. "And now we never have to leave each other, Curly."

Looking into his bright blue eyes, I felt complete, and immediately knew that I made the right choice.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AN: So how was it?! I hope you guys liked it! There's still one more chapter left, but it's going to be super short, so I'm not sure if it even counts. But anyways I love you all!!!


	22. Never Letting Go

(Louis' p.o.v.)

When I first died, I was confused as to what was happening; what I was supposed to do.

There was darkness all around me, and all I could hear were the noises of people around me.

However, it wasn't the noises that I hated, it was the silence.

Silence meant that I was alone, all alone.

There was no one there to help me separate my soul from my body, there was just me.

It took me a couple of weeks to even gather up enough strength for mobility, but when I did, I found it a lot easier to separate myself.

The garden drew me to it, since I had nowhere else to go. It would have been pointless to go to my old home where my family were, because the house is already empty, and up for sell. The garden was always my place for me to go to, and then was no different a time.

Besides, even if they were there, I wouldn't have the heart to just suddenly show up, because I'm pretty sure they would be terrified of me, so I didn't even try to find them.

I was lonely for the first year, but I decided to do nothing about it, finding some kind of solace from making flower crowns, with each flower I wove in, I made a wish that I wouldn't have to be so lonely anymore.

After the first year, my wish wasn't granted, so I decided to visit Niall since he was my only friend, and I knew where he lived, so it wasn't much of a problem.

Little did I know then was just how much damage I had unintentionally gave him, and once I did visit him, I immediately regretted my choice.

He turned the palest I've ever seen him, and opened his mouth to try and yell, but nothing came out, and he instead tried to reach for his wheelchair, but instead he ended up falling over and hurting himself.

I tried to help him, but he only started to cry, and I wasn't able to touch anything at all, it would just go through me.

So, I isolated myself, never leaving the garden.

Well that is until I saw that Harry had moved into my old house, and when I first saw him, I knew that he was immediately different, and I felt a sort of pull towards him.

On that first night, all I could bring myself to do was to watch and asses him.

Involuntarily, I had caused him to have the bad dreams, but I didn't mean him to. I just wanted to send him a message. That was why I had went into the mirror, because I thought that he would talk to me then.

On the day that was both my birthday and death day, however, Harry had gone inside my garden, and it immediately became ours, and that was when I knew that I no longer had to be alone, because I had Harry.

All that I wanted to do was to make Harry like me, because I had already started liking him, so I healed his wound without any hesitation.

Once our souls had connected, it was to be expected that he would have a dream about my death, but at least that wasn't entirely my fault.

It's not like I cared about me being dead, I just didn't like the reminder that I can ultimately never be with Harry unless if he were to die too. At that time, I wasn't sure if he would take such a risk like that just for me. 

But even still, I swore to myself that I would help him through it if he were to, and I'd never leave his side so that he didn't have to go through the same pain and loneliness that I did.

I hated to feel that way.

When Harry and I were apart, like when he went to Cheshire, that was how I felt, because without him I literally had no one else.

Once Harry first pecked, I knew that he wouldn't leave me, but I wasn't sure if he would follow me when I had to go.

I was admittedly a bit jealous when Harry had said that he was going to be out with Zayn and Niall, because that takes my time away from him. From how the garden was starting to look, and how I was feeling tired, I knew that my time was coming soon, but I didn't tell him, wanting him to have fun with his friends.

However, when I found out that Hary had lied to me, and was actually trying to get Zayn into the garden, I wasn't all that upset, because I knew how peer pressure works.

Usually I wasn't one to express myself, but I knew that Harry could tell that something was wrong with me, so I began talking about my life before I died, because he deserved to know before I left.

In that moment, I knew that I would miss Harry a lot more than I could ever miss any of my family members, because that was the moment that I knew that I had fallen in love with Harry.

I have never been that great with expressing myself, and my feelings while I was alive, nor much when I was dead, but Harry changed that in me, because for once, I was happy. However, not only did he give my happiness, but he gave me love, too, which helped me to love him even more.

Now that I have Harry for eternity, and he has me, I know that we will never be alone as long as we have each other, and never let go.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AN: *Sobs* yes I know it's already over, and I can't believe it! This is like letting go of my baby! Anyways, I love you all so much! Thank you for all the support and the comments, they really make my day! Once again ilyasm, and I thank all of my readers profusely!

**Author's Note:**

> AN: HIHI! Yes, I'm starting a new fanfic, but don't worry, it shouldn't be too long, and I'll still be working on Three Years After. Right now my priority is Three Years After, but I'll still update this when I can. And this was inspired by the song Ancora by Ludovico Einaudi.


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